For the past week, all I've felt is, well, sadness. Rather, a mix of emotions that makes me feel sad, or at least makes me worry...
First, it was about the activities that i missed. The group requirements that required me to be there, and i didn't show up. Instead I was practically vacationing somewhere on the other side of the globe. I feel guilty about that... I'm sorry. I doubt that any of you will have read this, though.
My major problems concern the people important to me. The people most important to me. It's, well, them. You know. My best friends...
...the first problem is that, well, i plan to do something. something that would make my best friend hate me. i assume you already know what that is. well, no, he's not that childish or immature, to immediately despise me. but, he's human. it would only be natural for him to feel pain, when I am with... i know that he always puts his head above his heart, where it has always been (that was one of the things he taught me...) but he's still going to be hurt. whenever he would recall the memory of the time... he will just remember pain. i don't want to make one of the most important days in high school life a hell for him.
and yet, the other part of me says that i shouldn't let his feelings dictate/determine what to do with my life. that my happiness and other interests are more important than his. that they should be more important than his. and yet, my happiness is, well, bound to him. i cannot be happy if he is sad, in despair, more so if he is like that as a consequence of something i have done. if he is mature enough, the other part of me says, he will not let this get in the way... after all, in the end, i do not want to come between them. i never loved... i just had feelings, and i liked being with the person. in the end, it doesn't really matter, because it will only be after school that he can love. it's not important that i... what matters is that they get to be... in the future, after school...
of course, who said she already said yes? haven't even asked her yet. it's most unlikely that she'll even say yes anyway. (wow... so, well, i suppose it's obvious now.)
The other main problem... i can't really talk about it, because he might "listen."
please remember, no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how many faults you have, i will always be there for you. your faults may be all that i can see, but your kindness is all that i feel. i'll always be loyal to you, no matter what i do or say. I'll always remain your friend.
...well, this post is a bit vague and unclear; just like what i feel right now. a mix of emotions.