It's been almost a week since I was last online, and able to use the internet. Due to the theft of something that was necessary for our internet connection, i was unable to be online any time at all this week... at least it's resolved now... but i have more worries...
First of all, I qualified for the Intarmed program. I should be happy... but I am not. I feel confused... I am feeling depression... There are just so many things i cannot understand yet...
I am miserable because I have such a conundrum that would seem trivial to most people. If I do go take up that program, I would have to study in UP Manila. And that would mean I would have less chances of seeing my friends in the other UP campuses... I'm sure you know where this is going, so i'll just stop there.
And here are the thoughts that I would probably hear:
(while these may be based on actual people, please do not be offended. I am merely imagining myself in different personas just to understand)
Stupid! How can you even think like that! Don't be such a loser, making your decisions in life based on your friends and barkada. Only losers think like that. Stop being a loser! Stop making such stupid decisions! You were supposed to change for the better. You were supposed to change your loser attitude, have a fresh start, a clean slate. Doing this will ruin everything you've done up til now! You'd be guilty your whole life, choosing your friends over your life, choosing to be a loser instead of a winner...
How could you just turn down the program for such a trivial pathetic reason? The program really matters to some of us, you know. Did you just check that little box on the application form for "a challenge"? To test your skill or your luck? There are some of us who are a bit sad who didn't make it... and you just throw it all away? How dare you! How dare you do that! You're such a loser! I hate you!
Dude, you're so pathetic.. Get a life.. Just choose already.. Whatever choice you make, you'd probably regret it, because that's what spineless people do - regret every important decision they had to make for themselves. Get a life, dude. Think about what matters to you more. And while it may be your life you are deciding on, do think about what other people say about it. For spineless weaklings like you, it's what other people say that dominates your life anyway.
Hey, cheer up... Your friends will always be your friends, wherever you end up, even if you're far apart, even if you never see them ever again. Don't worry anymore. Don't worry ever again. If you miss them, just think about them, and their memories would keep you company... Whatever decision you make, just be happy in the end...
Heh. What a loser this guy is, having conversations with himself. If i were qualified for that program, I would...