Songs of Innocence and Experience

baccalaureate mass...

2008-03-31T15:43:00.000+08:00

So, today was the baccalaureate mass. i was busy in the choir for that time... while we did slip up at some moments, it still was a very memorable experience. And then there was the toast to excellence... Congratulations to the people who were mentioned... :D

So there. I would post pictures but as it turns out... most of them are blurry. Mali kasi pagkakuha eh... So sa graduation na lang i suppose... :( So... well... I'll just get to work on grad pics... Thanks to the people who gave me a copy even when I hadn't made one for them yet. Kayo na yung uunahin ko.. haha:D

Intarmed results

2008-03-17T20:34:00.002+08:00

There are already results for the interviews to the Intarmed program... you can go check it out at Jimpo's multiply. If the photo is too dark, I've made a list of those who were accepted, from Pisay (I went there myself earlier. You can go to the Admissions office in the UP College of Medicine):

Alcantara, Krizelle
Bartilad, Kathrin
Berba, Jimpo
Borlongan, Gabriel
Bromeo, Albert
De Castro, Ellie
De Castro, Marla
De Leon, Joseph
Dealino, Angel
Dela Cruz, Honey
Dimaandal, Ian
Esguerra, Givette
Fuentes, Vien
Gamo, Ica
Lanuza, Stephanie
Manzanilla, Paulo
Mariano, Jestine
Nacianceno, Patricia
Nepomuceno, Precious
Pangan, Bab
Santos, Karina
Tan, Zimri

Congratulations to us! :)

You have to go to the Admissions Office again and get the Form of Confirmation/Regrets. This is to confirm your slot in intarmed... so... it's time to choose, for the last time. Well, whatever you choose, choose whatever makes you truly happy. :D For those who do choose intarmed... well.. I look forward to seeing you guys. And... well... since we'll be stuck together for seven years, or at least six... I hope to get to know you better:D

How To Save A Life

2008-03-11T20:46:00.002+08:00

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life

The year's almost over :(

2008-03-09T15:55:00.003+08:00

This last week was, well, full of events for me. Well... for most of the week, I've been happy and sad at the same time. But it all turned out okay...

The memorable things were Kim's birthday... I was able to give him something special... And there was also the diorama for English...

It took up the whole week, and it was exhausting and tiring, but it was fulfilling and fun in the end... The whole week we were busy practicing and setting up the place. We gathered leaves and carpeted the floor with them. We gathered pebbles and rocks to mark paths. We gathered the planks commonly used to provide a higher surface when it rains to make a wooden floor. We gathered plants to complete the feel and make it look like an actual forest. We used tarps as backgrounds. the only disadvantage was that they smelled bad. We brought lamps for lighting effects, hay for the barn, posts and ropes to serve as fences, a gun for killing, and even fake blood made out of corn syrup for brawls.

And then the day came. After 4 or so days of intense preparation, the day had come. We had made three shows that day - the first one was for Sir Arghs, the second for teachers, and the third for Ma'am Oblepias and our batchmates - I mean, for ourselves, because that was the last full show we ever made...

The shows were slightly different because we had different levels of energy for each of the shows. But they were all okay. That first show was so magical... It was most fulfilling to see for the first time in its entirety how beautiful Tami's production was. Well, after another two shows, the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility would kick in and we would be used to the same lines over and over again. But it was still just as fun and fulfilling the third time as it was the first.

During the first show, we were all enthralled by how beautiful it turned out to be. People were saying I was great in my role; I'm glad that they thought that. Kuya Adam always said that we had to be our characters and not play their roles. People said that my portrayal of Lennie was very close to what they knew me to be... like I wasn't really pretending to be someone else because it was natural for me to be like that. Well, I'm glad they appreciated it. My partner in the scene was Joseph. and he developed a good southern accent... He was able to speak well in the accent, and he did great in his role also. People were congratulating us for a job well done. The only problem was that we could not see any other scene being performed because the audience was in the way... But then again, we were supposed to be frozen still...

Everyone was so good it being who they were that afternoon. Non was simply perfect as Curley. Noel was excellent in portraying Lennie being beaten up by, and subsequently beating up Curley, and when George was consoling him. Max and EJ fit their roles very well also. And then there were Chak and Mittsu... Chak did a great job with the struggling scene and his voice fit very well with his mood. Mittsu had a great voice for Curley's wife, and it was easy for her to grasp the accent. Both of them performed very well in the struggle scene in which Lennie accidentally killed Curley's wife... They got the timing right every time... It's a pity that of all people both of them were unable to watch the final scene, because Chak was supposed to run outside after and Mittsu was supposed to play dead... it's ironic...

The climax of the plot was the part where George, portrayed by Tami, killed Lennie who was portrayed by Neil. It never failed to make people cry... Even for ourselves, who have watched the scene over and over again for three times, would always feel sad and be teary-eyed and be touched by this scene... The music is beautiful and it fits perfectly with the scene... Tami's voice shook perfectly, really making the audience symphatize, and Neil looked helpless and innocent... and then it came... The sudden loudness of the gunshot never failed to surprise people... In the first show, the gun had misfired, but Neil caught it perfectly, repeating his last line until he was shot in the middle of it... It touched my heart...

The line that touched me most...

"I thought you was mad at me, George."
"I ain't mad, Lennie. I never was. And that's a thing... I want you to know..."

We got a grade of 1.0 for that presentation... It was very special...

All this week I've been sad/miserable because I've had problems... But thanks to Gluon, I wasn't really that problematic... Even though I'm not close with most of them, they're still fun to be with... Thanks, guys...:D

Right now... I'm okay. I'm happy... Happier than before for the relatively new friends I have... and the happiness that my friends have... Not as happy because some of my friends have problems... But I'll still be happy... I'll never give up...

Looking forward to the future xP...
The start of something new

Gluon!

2008-02-22T23:16:00.002+08:00

let me start by saying... thank you.

thanks for all the memories, gluon... i mean... masaya ako na nag-exert tayo ng effort sa lahat ng mga class thingies natin... naiintindihan ko na mahirap rin ang paghahandle ng mga class requirements sa mga leaders... pero i really appreciate the efforts we have made... alam kong close ang gluon dahil dun... palagi tayong united when it comes to these things... like gluons, we are the mediators of the strong force, which binds us together (weh physics talk.)

masaya ako sa gluon kasi marami akong friends dito... marami akong bagong friends na nakilala, at sila yung mga kasama ko sa fourth year, ang pinakamahalagang year ng buhay ko so far... sila yung mga karamay ko sa mga paghihirap ng fourth year... and masaya ako na sila yung kasama ko...

salamat sa inyo, clarisse at eda... i'm glad that you were there, when i needed someone to talk to. thank you for trusting me as well...

pati rin ikaw, chuck, salamat rin sayo... salamat para sa tulong mo with, well, the gift thing... tapos yung str rin... thanks for not losing your patience... happy birthday ulit... sana nasayahan ka naman ngayon, kahit papaano... hehe.:D

salamat kina kim at jay, for the jokes... as i said, they always made me laugh... hehe...

kina sarah at mittsu, for... ewan, basta, salamat...

kina max, neil and monmon... for magic...

kay clariza... for the prom thing...

kay tami... thanks for all your efforts for gluon... sorry kung minsan naiinis ka sa amin... salamat para sa mga outing at overnight sa bahay nyo...

kina givette at cha... for legacy! hehe...

kay noel, para sa mga jokes and stuff niya... he always has a way of cheering up people... whether it be the jokes on the phone, or corny jokes, salamat... thanks for being there...

kay crisby... naging medyo kilala rin kita... i'm glad to have you as a friend as well...

and, kung hindi man kita namention in person... ito na...

sa gluon... neil, chuck, noel, broño, EJ, JBL, james, jay, dandy, max, monmon, non, crisby, joseph, desa, cha, chanchan, givette, sarah, eda, cla, lara, tami, kim, mittsu, clariza, hannah, rose ann, at ma'am cion... thank you!... thanks so much for making gluon so special... buti na lang masaya ang last year ko sa pisay... thanks...

sana mag-graduate tayo lahat...! at sana magkita tayo ulit somehow... well... mamimiss ko kayo... pero, yun nga, sigurado naman akong magkikita tayo ulit... kahit na sa ibang bansa kayo mag-aral... san man kayo mapunta, good luck na lang, at sana masayahan kayo sa buhay.

your resident chem/econ/maybe bio/maybe comsci nerd,
PM
Gluon-11

Sodium!

2008-02-22T22:54:00.002+08:00

hello! musta na!...

first of all... gusto kong magsorry... kasi, para sa akin... ginastos ko yung third year ko with sampa and not you guys. so... sorry... pero masaya naman ako na sinamahan niyo naman ako sa mga outing and stuff. nandun kayo para sa akin kung kailan nagdurusa ako sa mga problema. well, not really for me, pero, yun nga, masaya rin ako na, kung medyo problemado ako, some of you people bothered to say stuff like "ok lang yan..." those words really mean a lot to me...

masaya ako na marami ring akong nakilalang bago sa sodium... nakilala ko ng husto si vien, na hindi ko ganun ka-kilala sa sampa, pati si kat rin, at si gama... tapos, nakilala ko rin yung mga jade prime people... sina clariza at janella, sina bab at nizzy, sina claridge at dea (my promdate sa first prom natin), sina zim at jean... tapos, sina eljon at olav at ste, sina broño, esge at cha... si chard, yung str groupmate ko... tapos si steph... well... nakilala ko si steph dahil kay tobit.... and that was how our friendship started...

gusto kong magpasalamat sa sodium, kasi nandun sila, hindi naman para sa akin, pero, nandun pa rin sila sa mga panahon ng paghihirap. lalo na sina eljon at olav, sina jay, vien at gama, at steph... salamat sa inyo kasi in one way or the other medyo natulungan niyo akong mag-cope with... well... you know. hindi ako nagsisisi na sodium ako, kahit na hindi ko kaklase yung mga close friends ko, kasi nakahanap ako ng mga bagong kaibigan...

thanks for being there... it really meant a lot... thanks...

...looking forward to the next sodium outing:D sana naman mag-graduate tayo lahat. good luck sa atin!

-PM
Na-11

Sampa!

2008-02-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

well...

special ang sampa sa akin. naalala ko pa nung first day ko, kung saan ang mga kakilala ko lang ay ang mga dati kong kaklase sa garnet. tapos, yun, kilala ko rin ng onti si tobit... not as a person, pero, well, sa mga achievements niya and stuff... tapos, nakilala ko rin si kim nun, dun sa activity kung saan pinapadescribe sayo yung seatmate mo. first day yun. hehe... sabi ko monkey siya... tapos sabi niya gorilla ako... well, hindi ko pa siya kilala nun.

usually, ang kasama ko sa sampa noon ay si serl, when he was less emotional. naalala ko yung group namin sa bio, kasama namin si jepoy. may dalawang teachers tayo for bio - yung mga advisers natin... hindi ko na naaalala kung paano magturo si ma'am cardenas... pero alam kong mahirap yung mga long tests niya... tapos si ma'am cheng naman, gumagamit ng mga illustrations sa acetate. pero hindi rin madali ang mga long test ni ma'am cheng... basta, nagustuhan ko ang bio. at yun nga pala... magkahawig sina ma'am cardenas at karina... hehe... para hindi makalimutan.

ang chem naman natin... si sir montales! masaya ang chem. sobra. medyo nag-alinlangan nga ako nung puro stoich yung topics natin eh. but when it came to quantum mechanics, periodic table and stuff... well... siguro dun ako nakilalang chem nerd. hehe. wah, ang lame ko pala mag-vanity mode. pero nag-enjoy ako talaga sa chem. naalala ko pa nung nagreport kami dun sa d-block elements... basta naalala ko, kasama ko dun sina kim at joel... may en sci pa, kung saan palagi akong natataasan ni jason somehow... no offense... hehe. pero yun nga, medyo special si ma'am andaya kasi siya yung kasama namin sa bangkok at montreal...

pero sa physics naman... hindi ako mahilig sa optics, pero mas naganahan ako nung light and EM waves na yung topic. and whenever i would get bored and/or sleepy, kakausapin ko yung mga taong nasa harap ko... sina kat at kim ata... naaalala ko pa yung pagddrawing ng water waves and stuff... tapos, snell's law, real images... etc.. hehe... fun times.

sa pehm... well... masaya naman ang PE... sir duliesco yun eh. miss ko na yung softball, at siguro basket, swimming na rin... masaya ang PE... kahit na nahihirapan ako sa mga sports minsan... tapos health... dun ko nakilala si ma'am balangue... na magiging adviser ko sa third year... tapos katabi ko pa sina kim at tobit nun... tapos music. wah, miss ko na rin yun. i'll get back to that later. naaalala ko pa rin yung pagpunta natin mula sa en sci papunta sa music. tapos math 3 to PE.

speaking of math... nasayahan rin ako sa mga math natin, kahit barely passing lang ako. dun ko natabihan si tobit... well... if that helped... well, of course masaya ang geom. si ma'am yu'hico yun eh. tapos, si ma'am orate naman... well... yung batch adviser natin. who can forget using the fishball method to make tusok-tusok the fishball? hehe.

meron pa tayong soc sci... well, alam niyo naman na si sir job... at ang kanyang... style of teaching.... tapos si ma'am anda pa, with all the val ed movies... tapos si ma'am allegria, sa art 2... miss ko na rin yun... malamig sa art room... ehehe... tapos Com Sci pa! Si sir javier... well... dun ako nagkaroon ng interest sa programming. and the rest is history.

masaya talaga ang sampa.

masaya ako na naging malapit tayo dahil kadalasang magkakasama tayong kumain. kahit dun sa sampa room, before art, o kaya naman sa caf or sa may gazebo, palagi tayong magkasama sa isang lugar. hindi ko kailangang mamroblema kung saan ako kakain kasi sigurado akong may pwesto ako kung saan pwede ako kumain. mahalaga talaga na, kahit for a few minutes lang araw-araw, na magkasama tayo.

hindi lang yun. malapit ang sampa sa akin kasi kayo ang kasama ko sa mga pagdurusa sa class requirements. dun sa katutubong sayaw, at sa paskorus... well... basta... special sa akin yun.

and, well, most of all, kasi sa sampa ko nakilala yung mga kaibigan at barkada ko ngayon. sana nga na nakilala ko kayo ng mas maaga, para mas marami akong time na naspend kasama niyo.

good luck sa ating lahat! sana mag-graduate tayo, at para kay carlo, dyane at neil, sana mag-graduate rin kayo. sigurado akong magkikita tayo ulit... if we want to see each other again, we would do everything to do so... so there is no reason to be sad. if anything, look forward to meeting new people and rediscovering other people, and making new friends, and keeping old friends.

thanks for the memories. i'll never forget them... they are important to me... i'll always treasure them...:D

I wish i could be sarcastic somehow... yun naman yung pagkakakilala nyo sa akin eh... oh well... hehe... i'll be sarcastic to be fun, and i'll try not too get carried away.

salamat sa mga kasama ko sa sampa octet/quartet... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayong kumanta. and i'm glad have friends in you. thank you for everything.

-PM
Sampa-7

Garnet!

2008-02-22T21:10:00.002+08:00

//this is the first post in a series addressed to my former and current sections...

hello! musta na? okay pa ba ang buhay? well... wala lang.

miss ko na ang garnet.

miss ko na yung mga earth sci classes natin, kung saan kasama ko si arianne... tapos, every lunch, kasama ko pa sina gippo at raffy. palagi kaming nasa 'farthest gazebo.' kasama pa namin si myk nun. tapos, sometimes, kasama kong magcommute pauwi sina gippo at raffy. sasamahan ko sila hanggang quezon ave, at minsan kumakain rin kami sa mcdo panay ave.

minsan, nagwawalkout-tayo sa english, kasi, yun nga, si sir ayende kasi. hehe. tapos nagbibigay pa siya ng mga kwento kung bakit hindi siya dumarating. naaalala ko pa yung IS natin, kung saan most of the time nakakatulog yung mga ka-table ko. hehe. tapos, yung mga list of terms pa na pinapahanap ni ma'am cristobal... having tech prep with sir javert, who eventually turned out to be our batch adviser... yung mga 3 or so teachers natin sa com sci - si ma'am lumanta, na pumunta sa japan, tapos si sir anton sepulveda, tapos si ma'am lody trajano, taga-MIS.

pero sinong makalilimot ng sayaw thing natin kung saan nagsuot kami ng duster? para sa valentines day ata yung thing na iyon. well, kahit na nakakahiya siya (in a fun way naman) medyo memorable pa rin sa akin yun. masaya naman yun eh. sana hindi natin makalimutan.

so, yun nga. sana pwede akong sumama sa garnet outing sa baguio. mukha namang papayagan ako... sana... kasi yun na yung last time na magkakasama tayo ulit. pero oh well.

sana mag-graduate tayo lahat. well, para kay myk at jamaica, sana mag-graduate rin sila sa mga school nila. alam ko na magkikita-kita tayo ulit, kahit na iba-iba ang tatahakin nating landas... so... don't worry... cheer up. malapit na matapos ang mga paghihirap natin sa fourth year, and pagkatapos nun, may time pa tayo para ma-enjoy ang isa't-isa. pero yun nga, sana naasikaso yung mga requirements para naman mag-graduate. hehe.

good luck sa ating lahat.

...hindi na tayo close, katulad ng dati, pero hindi ako ever nagsisi na garnet ako. masaya ako na kayo ang naging kasama ko, para naman maka-adjust ako sa pisay life. para naman hindi ako mag-loner or something. sorry dun sa mga nahurt ko, or kung ever may "kagalit" ako, or kung may kinaiinisan kayo sa akin... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayo. sana ganun rin ang naramdaman niyo.

-PM
Garnet-11

Interview

2008-02-21T18:40:00.004+08:00

Today was a very special day - it was the day which would decide if i would be a doctor in 7 years or more.

We commuted all the way to the UP College of Medicine, from the Pedro Gil station of LRT-1, and went to the Admissions Office in the College of Medicine building. Surprisingly, Neil (Esguerra) was also there, for his interview as well... well, anyway, let me get started.

You're going to be given a paper with 10 sort-of essay questions... stuff like, do you have any achievements, extra-curricular activities, and what you would want to say to "persuade" the ADCOM to approve your admission... no problem about that. Just remember to have brought a ballpen beforehand.

Then you would have to wait for a while, until it is your turn to be interviewed.

Don't worry. The interview is not really that demanding... at least, for me. The interviewer will just ask you questions about your family, life at school, coping with grades and relationships, how hard it is to be a doctor, stuff like that. Don't be pressured. Try to make a good job of "selling yourself" - they are looking for dedicated students who will not leave the country to study in some university overseas... but then, after the intarmed program, you wouldn't really study in some foreign university, because you would already be working in a hospital by that time.

The main point of the interview is to examine, through your history in high school and elementary, how well you would do as a doctor. So if you're not that serious with it, it would be difficult to feign interest.

Just relax... And you'll be fine...:D

P.S. I don't want to comment about the prom, but this comment itself betrays this purpose, so anyway... For the record... most of us did enjoy the prom... even though there were many... technical difficulties. What touched me most was that the opportunity to dance was able to reunite some people and help fix relationships and make them stronger, even if only for a few hours' time.

I sincerely hope the grad ball turns out to be like that, or most certainly better and more memorable. And I hope there really was some way people like mike could come. They are, after all, batch '08.

I wish that people would stop misunderstanding what other people say. This is were most problems are rooted in...

2008-02-09T19:51:00.000+08:00

At first glance, Dickens’ novel, A Tale of Two Cities, is quite a chore to read. It was the style of writers in his time to write wordy novels, for their wage was based on it. After finishing the story to the end, though, I appreciate having read it.

It was the story of Sydney Carton which had affected me the most. He is not the major protagonist of the story; rather, the dual nature present between him and his complement, Charles Darnay, is one of the main themes of the story. He does not seem to be as decent or respectable like Darnay is, and he even says so himself. He deems himself unworthy of Lucie’s love, and chooses to hide in obscurity, willing to do anything for her. In the end, he is able to do so, and he takes the place of Darnay when he is to be executed on the guillotine. He was able to make the ultimate sacrifice for the person he loves, only for her to be happy in the arms of another man, and his complement, of all the men in the world. That is indeed a most profound expression of love, and I admire Carton for being able to perform such a selfless act.

I honestly wish that I would be able to give my life for the persons I treasure most. Even if I would lose my life, I would rest in peace knowing that my sacrifice was worth it. I know that my sacrifice – and I, myself – would never be forgotten. I only hope that my sacrifice would not make them sad for me.

2008-02-04T19:07:00.000+08:00

First of all:

This post is addressed to someone. So, please, if you are not that person (which I suppose you would know full well), then please do not talk to me about it or say anything. You are welcome to browse my thoughts, for it is the internet, but please do understand the context in which this was made. I seriously mean that. I am going to use the word 'love', to refer to a guy, to my friend. So, do not be an immature person and do NOT get the wrong idea (I mean it.)

Now let me start.

I make this post today because I needed to express a lot of things to you. I cannot find myself the will to speak freely in front of you... I know you would listen, but your voice... it intimidates me... whatever i have made up my mind to say, I cannot speak of it when you are finally with me. I know that this might seem too public, but I do not... care. All I know is, I must express the things in my heart, to let the pain go.

You say that you cannot see what my efforts produce. I do not blame you for that, for my efforts are concerned with self-discipline and self-restraint. So, now, I show you what I do.

Every day, at morning, I try to be happy. I do not want my family to worry about me, yet sometimes I fail at that and release some of the tension in me on to them. But I consciously try not to do that.

When I get to school, you people are there. I try to smile, I put any expression on my face that is not a frown, just to make sure that nobody notices the pain I feel because of what transpires between us. And then classes would begin.

Soon enough I would meet Eda, one of my close friends. In the past, I would have told her immediately that I had a problem, that something happened between us again. That is a consequence of our friendship, actually - I trust her. Now, I do not. I try my best to be happy - or at least not sad or problematic - when I am with her. She has enough problems on her own, and unlike before, I would rather smile and pretend everything is ok, rather than have her be sorry for me and try to console me. Now, I would try to console her instead.

I smile, or at least try to, for I find it difficult to actually smile, when I am with my friends and classmates in Gluon. Instead of telling Cla I have a problem again, or walking out on Chuck and Dandy, my STR group mates because I am in pain, or taking it out on Broño, I try my best to be a functional member of Gluon. I command myself not to confide in anyone, I try my best to hide the pain I feel inside. I command myself, "nobody must know the pain I feel. I must be a good friend and person to them, even though I am in pain."

There is also Nicoli... What part does he play in this? He is, in a way, some sort of conscience to me. He is there to remind me to not obsess on you, and to remind me that you are not the only person in my world. When he asks me to accompany him, immediately thoughts flash in my mind of the time i could have spent talking to you about this. But I choose to accompany him, not only because I want to change myself, but because he is a friend to me, because I have no reason not to, and because I cannot just say no just because I want to talk to you. He is more to me than a device to make me behave... he is a friend to me as well...

Then it eventually comes that we would see each other again. I restrain myself from sticking to you. I admit that sometimes you do not see that happen, but at any rate, that is what I will do. I know that you feel irritated and, as you say it, saturated, and I do not force myself upon you anymore. I just try to be with you, try to have pleasant conversation with you. And if you have something to do, or, whatever it is, be it even an excuse to get away from me, I do not follow you anymore... All I can do is say goodbye, and wait for you to say the same... When you do, I feel that things are at peace between us, and I am content.

Please understand that I can't just not talk to you for a day, or a week, or a month, or forever. Instead of ignoring you altogether, I try to be fun. I try to make pleasant conversation. I try my best to rid myself of the habits that ruined our friendship. As I understand it, that is what I need to stop... not talking to you, but the things that I do that ruin the friendship we had. I am capable of distinguishing these, and restraining myself from doing so. Sometimes, I admit, I fail to do so, and I am sorry. But please do understand that I have always had good intentions in heart...

As I said earlier, I cannot blame you for being unable to see any form of change, for all of this takes place in my mind. I cannot just put a big sign post on my head and say on it that I am trying to change myself, for openly advertising that defeats the purpose of changing myself in the first place. I do not change myself only to find favor with you again, to be a better person worth more; I do this to fix our friendship, and to be a better friend to you and to my other friends.

I know that, in spite of all the efforts I have stated here, reality is very different. Whatever idealized picture I paint with my words, you would not believe, for you could not see. Sometimes I am in tears on my bed, fearing the fact that whatever we do, we cannot restore our friendship to the way it was before, unless if we were to somehow forget everything that ever happened between us. I know you see me whining about the pain I feel... I am sorry for that, but please, do not expect me to hold my feelings back and just bear them... I can do that, but when it comes to the time that I do need to express it to you, please do not be irritated. I know that when you have long talks with me, you hate it. You do it for me only because you are a friend to me. I thank you...

My words may seem empty, but I do understand. I do understand, somehow, the pain you feel when I am suffocating you. When I follow you everywhere, creep you out... I understand how worthless I am because of the things I did. Yet you tolerated me, and everything I did, believing in me that I was doing something to fix things. I know that I am worse and more pathetic than any of the people you've met... I know that, were you not caring for me at all, you would have left me a long time ago. I know the pain you feel... Yet, you do not understand mine. You act as though you do not care about the pains I keep whining about. Well, it is difficult for me, too. It is difficult to be happy, knowing full well that the person you love is miserable when with you; that the person you love prefers to not be with you; that whatever you do, things would never be back to the way they were once before. Please understand that.

My love for you before was confused... I was caught up in the whole feeling of being so happy, to have someone who cares for me in such a special way, that I ended up obsessed with you. But I am trying to change that. My love for you is pure now... deep and profound... Instead of pining for you and obsessing about you, I should be able to live when you are not there. It would be ok for me if I was unable to meet you or talk to you one day, for I know that you still love me, and that I still love you. It would be ok for me to part from you, to do things that are difficult because I cannot be with you, to be separated from you when it would be an otherwise happy time, because I know in my heart that we have true love for each other, as friends, and nothing more. Instead of wanting to spend time with you, I am content even if I do not get time to talk to you. Instead of being an obsession that consumes my everything, you are an inspiration to me, which makes me strive to do better in the things I do. You bring me closer to God, and you made me realize that I was worth something. I was broken... and you were the one who picked me up, and tried to fix me...

In spite of all of this, you said it yourself - you can live without this friendship. Well, as I said, I cannot. That is where our differences stem from... Yet, even though you can live without this friendship, you still are willing to hold on to it, and do what you can to fix it. Even though you could live without me, and all the stuff I do, still you decided to fix our friendship, and not discard it. Thank you... Thank you so much.

I hope that our solution works. I hope that, eventually, our friendship would be restored to what it was before. I have nothing to fear, or be sad about anymore, for I know that you are doing whatever it is you do, may it hurt me or not, because you want to fix this friendship... Thank you.

Oh. And sorry for making it so very long.

2008-01-27T14:41:00.000+08:00

The CAT camp was one of the most fun times I ever had :D...

Day One

It all started on Friday. After the lengthy closing ceremony, and after about two or three hours of preparing for the trip, we were finally on board and on the way there. On the way we were watching mindless brainwashing programs meant for children - Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer... But then again, I suppose I would prefer that to Wowowee... which is even more mindless... Anyway, we got there in the late afternoon. It was already dusk when we prepared our tents, and by the time night had fallen, we were waiting for food to be delivered. While I had already eaten some dinner of my own, I would eat again, of course. That day was mostly uneventful... except for the treasure hunt!...

Well, like the math treasure hunts, we were given a string of clues that would lead to our next destinations. I'm proud to have been able to obtain a clue for our company (that is, Delta 1 + 2.) It was a very tiring experience, running all over the place, trying to get to the next destination as fast as possible... After that long and tiring experience, we had to sit down and plan our meals for the days ahead...

The night was... well.. eventful in my tent. We were... talking about "stuff"... Well, I can't really talk about it, but it really was fun... Thanks, guys...

Day Two

Because of our "talk" in the early morning, I barely slept... for only thirty minutes or so. Still, I was able to wake up at 4 am, which was what I planned. I tried to take a bath, but there was already a line of people waiting by the time I got there. After waking my friends, I was just waiting for the foodstuffs to come.

Our breakfast was champorado. While some of our platoon-mates do know how to cook, we were pretty much noobs when it came to making a fire. Ah, Lost in Blue makes it look so easy. It took us a long time to get a fire going, and an even longer time to cook our food. But it was worth the wait. The champorado tasted good. Only problem was, it was about 9 am when we started eating... So, after preparing the ingredients for lunch - tinola - we went boating.

Boating was fun. At first, I really was scared of simply boarding the boat, as though the water and the boat were incapable of supporting my weight. But I did find myself on it, and I had a lot of fun. After doing the "task", in which we were made to go around a number of buoys in the lagoon, we had some free time to go our own way. While we rowed, some of the other groups splashed us... But still it was fun...

After that, we went back to camp and tried to cook tinola. Well, it did taste good, and there was the distinct smoked taste produced by the combustion of charcoal. Problem was, due to the limited number of utensils that we had, we had to prepare two servings at a time. Not all of us were able to eat lunch... But I was able to...

Paintball was next. It was all we wanted it to be - and more! It is a shame that i got knocked out pretty early... If I had some funny or exciting story, I'd share, but I don't... I was, well, trying to sneak through an enemy... and I was shot down... But, oh well... We won! I mean... at least we think we did...

After paintball, we went back to camp.... except for me, because I foolishly left my phone at the paintball site, and had to go back all the way to the site, and back again. While the rest of the battalion (military term for batch) was out swimming, we were unable to swim at all... because the pool would already be closing by the time we got back.

So instead, I got started on cooking our dinner... which was pork steak. After having washed the pork, I was tasked to heat it, because it looked... wrong... After a long time, we finally got around to marinating it. While the others were preparing the fire, I was busy marinating it, chopping calamansi... After that, when the fire was ready, I proceeded to cook it...

First step was to remove the "sauce", which would become the "sabaw" of the pork steak. After searching for a container, we finally found one, and poured the sauce carefully into it. We took the pork and put it on some plates, because we needed to heat the wok first. Next, the pork was put back into the wok, and fried. Since the serving was very large, we had difficulty with that. Soon, however, we decided to put the sauce in. I had to carefully mix the pork and the sauce to make sure that the sauce seeped through the meat, and the pork was well-cooked (which was difficult due to the serving size.) Eventually, I'd added the chopped onion rings to the mix. I still feel that it was lacking, though - one or two onions for 2 or so kg of pork... Well, after that, we were simply stirring it, making sure that the meat was cooked. Eventually we got around to tasting it. The sauce was rich in flavor, a mixture of soy sauce and calamansi and meat... We adjusted it by adding some soy sauce and water, to make it taste better. And while all of this was being done, the others were preparing carrots for some buttered vegetables. Problem was, the corn that was bought was a cream of corn soup, and not corn kernels. So, we ended up with "buttered vegetable soup." It did taste good as well...

I'd like to thank my platoon-mates for helping me a lot when it came to cooking the food. Without them, there would be no fire to cook with. There would be no light to illuminate the "kitchen". There'd be no carrots chopped, and there wouldn't even be a buttered vegetable "soup". It really felt satisfying because we were all working together, each member contributing his share, working towards the common goal. While Lendl and I were the ones at the stove, cooking, I wouldn't be able to cook without the fire you had maintained all the while. (Flame On! - Sir Vlad) It really is hard to prepare the flame, and to maintain it all the time. And it's even harder, when smoke gets in your eyes and irritates them. I was in pain for a while because of that... But it turned okay in the end. I'm glad it tasted good... Thank you guys :D. We did well...

So, after eating, we were supposed to have a "cultural presentation". But in the end it never happened, and we just rested. So, there, we had another talk again, this time in Kim's tent, because Vien and Dandy were already sleeping in mine. It was, well, fun also, but it was a pity it didn't last as long, because we were already quite tired and sleepy as well.

Day Three

After waking Kim up, we went and took a bath early, and it was a good thing there wasn't much of a line that time. I immediately proceeded to cooking afterwards. We had scrambled eggs and longganisa for breakfast, and it did taste good. We had to clear our campsite afterwards, and since we were noobs, it was hard for us to do so. We had some physical fitness training, by doing the Petron Fitness Trail thing... It was difficult for me, for obvious reasons. I had hoped to be of more use, but I am that weak...

Eventually, I had to find the utensils that Kim had borrowed. It was difficult, since they were all over the place. I hope that I didn't miss anything, otherwise he would be in trouble. By the time we had cleaned the rice container, he had already left the campsite, but it was a good thing he was still in the vicinity. While waiting for the van to carry bags, we had time to take pictures. However, Vien got hurt in the process, and got some wounds. It's a good thing he received first aid immediately. While first aid was administered to him, we went all the way to the buses and carried our stuff all the way. The journey back was quite uneventful, because I had fallen asleep for a while. It was only a matter of time until we were back in Pisay, with the sense of reality that was all too familiar. Still, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and not even reality can dampen that.

Lastly, I'd like to thank Kim and Serl, for all the times we had during this weekend. It was fun being with you guys. And I'd like to thank my tent-mates too: Angel, Dandy and Vien. It was a pleasure being with you guys...:D

2008-01-18T23:19:00.001+08:00

My life has changed... The real test has begun... I will make it.

2008-01-18T20:54:00.000+08:00

It's been almost a week since I was last online, and able to use the internet. Due to the theft of something that was necessary for our internet connection, i was unable to be online any time at all this week... at least it's resolved now... but i have more worries...

First of all, I qualified for the Intarmed program. I should be happy... but I am not. I feel confused... I am feeling depression... There are just so many things i cannot understand yet...

I am miserable because I have such a conundrum that would seem trivial to most people. If I do go take up that program, I would have to study in UP Manila. And that would mean I would have less chances of seeing my friends in the other UP campuses... I'm sure you know where this is going, so i'll just stop there.

And here are the thoughts that I would probably hear:

(while these may be based on actual people, please do not be offended. I am merely imagining myself in different personas just to understand)

Stupid! How can you even think like that! Don't be such a loser, making your decisions in life based on your friends and barkada. Only losers think like that. Stop being a loser! Stop making such stupid decisions! You were supposed to change for the better. You were supposed to change your loser attitude, have a fresh start, a clean slate. Doing this will ruin everything you've done up til now! You'd be guilty your whole life, choosing your friends over your life, choosing to be a loser instead of a winner...

How could you just turn down the program for such a trivial pathetic reason? The program really matters to some of us, you know. Did you just check that little box on the application form for "a challenge"? To test your skill or your luck? There are some of us who are a bit sad who didn't make it... and you just throw it all away? How dare you! How dare you do that! You're such a loser! I hate you!

Dude, you're so pathetic.. Get a life.. Just choose already.. Whatever choice you make, you'd probably regret it, because that's what spineless people do - regret every important decision they had to make for themselves. Get a life, dude. Think about what matters to you more. And while it may be your life you are deciding on, do think about what other people say about it. For spineless weaklings like you, it's what other people say that dominates your life anyway.

Hey, cheer up... Your friends will always be your friends, wherever you end up, even if you're far apart, even if you never see them ever again. Don't worry anymore. Don't worry ever again. If you miss them, just think about them, and their memories would keep you company... Whatever decision you make, just be happy in the end...

Heh. What a loser this guy is, having conversations with himself. If i were qualified for that program, I would...

2008-01-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

welcome to my blog again! it has a new name this time:

Songs of Innocence and Experience.

It is a collection of poems made by William Blake, whom we are going to examine in English 4 this quarter... Well, most of his poems - okay, the ones that i was required to read because i had to report on them - dealt with contrasts in nature, and social issues. The Little Black Boy dealt with racial discrimination; the Chimney Sweeper dealt with child labor; the Tyger dealt with the presence of evil despite the presence of God. It's amazing how he manages to express an essay's worth of thoughts in ideas in a few short stanzas.

In fact, I'm sure that is why the title of his compilation is also oxymoronic in a sense. Innocence is inherent in us. It is our experiences of the pains and sufferings in this world that make us lose this innocence, but we never truly lost it... I for one am sure that kindness, if not innocence, is inherent in an individual, even if the environment exerts pressure on oneself...

So, there... until next time... good night...:D

2008-01-12T21:47:00.000+08:00

While I haven't been to UP myself, I plan to go there tomorrow. But then again, I still know that I did pass at my first choice - which is MBB... so, I am very enthusiastic, and ecstatic with joy.

I am glad that most of our batchmates passed... There are also a lot of us at MBB... While it is a relief to have people you know as your block mates, there are a few things that need to be considered...

We students taking up the MBB course would be in block sections... We would all have the same schedules, and be with each other for 4 or so years, for the duration of the course. While this basically ensures that you'd never miss them because they are your block mates, you would have less time and freedom to meet up with your other batchmates who are in different campuses, colleges, or even courses. UP (Diliman) is such a big place, and we would have little free time, so that means we have lower chances of meeting up with our non-MBB friends. But for me, I am sure that I will see my friends again... That's what friends do... FInd ways to get to talk to each other again...

And, as for the MBB course itself... I'm sure it has a reputation in our batch... because of a teacher who graduated MBB... I'm sure it would be exciting to have new experiences with batchmates you didn't get to know in high school... And, we don't really have to be STR teachers. The STR unit never really was in short supply of STR teachers... As for me, I'd really like to be a doctor... I hope I get to be an oblation scholar, or qualify for the intarmed thing...

So, for all of you guys out there... I hope you were able to achieve the courses you put as your first choice... and, even if you're not decided on going to UP, I hope that I'll be able to see you again after graduation. I hope that you'd be happy in your particular course. And, don't worry... wherever you end up, you'll be certain to meet your friends again...

Until then... we still have to deal with STR, and our (MBB) STR teacher... and the upcoming events... and the constantly decreasing time we can spend with each other...

P.S. Excited na ako mag-camping! I want to learn how to cook... Pity it's after the YMSAT though... May STR pa...

2008-01-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

There's something I want to share... While I was doing Life Sci one night, I was looking for some music... and I stumbled unexpectedly on this song... which I'd like to share...

Kiss Me Good-Bye
FFXII OST

You say my love is all you need, to see you through
But I know these words are not quite true

Here is the path you're looking for, an open door
Leading to worlds you long to explore

Go, if you must move on alone
I'm gonna make it on my own

Kiss me good-bye, love's memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Don't shed a tear, for love's mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

As time goes by I know you'll see this of me
I loved enough to let you go free

Go, I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky

Kiss me good-bye, love's mystery
All of my life, I'll hold you close to me

Don't shed a tear for love's mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

Kiss me good-bye, love's memory
You put the dream in my reality

It's about letting the person you love go. You understand why the person has to go... and still, you would love the person, and hope for that person's happiness... I'm sure you know where this is going... So, well, you know what to do... Until the next life thing that I wish to share...

And, on the retreat... I am changed... I enjoyed every moment in it... Now I am happy... Now I am happy and cheerful, for now I know how much I am loved...

2008-01-06T21:16:00.000+08:00

I am fortunate and blessed...

I am loved...

I have no reason to be sad, or in despair, for I am loved...

I will be able to succeed in changing myself, for there is hope...

I will not give up the fight... for I am loved...

I am not alone... for I have people who do love me...

I am happy, happier than I've ever been, for I am loved...

I am lucky to have people who love me...

I am fortunate to have been able to touch the lives of other people...

I am not worthless or useless, because I am loved...

I am loved...

Thank you so much... Thank you for everything - for the friends you have given me, to show how much you love me... And as for my friends, thank you for everything... for being there... for helping me realize that I am not worthless... that I am loved... that I have hope... that my life has some meaning... I love all of you... Thank you all so much.

I am happy... I am blessed... I am loved. I hope that you realize that you are also loved and blessed...

2007-12-15T11:40:00.000+08:00

This morning, while we were having brunch, the radio was on, playing OPM... and there was this song that really got to me.

it was about a group of friends in high school... barkada sila... during lunch break, they were always together in one corner of the cafeteria... One of them had a guitar, and when he/she played, the whole barkada would get singing... They had a happy time...

Then high school was over, and they were in college. They barely had time tp see each other again. Some of the others were already in far away places... concerned with getting jobs and making profits and such... that in the end, their barkada was no more...

I hope that doesn't happen to us... It won't... I won't let that happen...

If anyone could get me the title of that song, I'd really appreciate it...

Magkaibigan, magkaibigan...
Magkaibigan, walang iwanan...

2007-12-14T14:04:00.000+08:00

In continuation of the recent tradition of "non-emo" posts, today's article is about Avatar: The Last Airbender.

For those who do not know what it is, go look it up on Wikipedia. It's not a simple mindless Western cartoon that has a generic Asian motif. Well, I'm not here to describe the series to you; you have Wiki for that.

Anyway, in the series, certain people are gifted with different kinetic abilities allowing them to manipulate one of the "elements" of their world: water, earth, fire and air. Now, given the choice, which element would you wish to manipulate?

Well, because this post is simply about my choice, I suppose I'll go discuss it already. I would choose water... and why? Well, here are some of the reasons:

You can use it for water's various cleaning purposes. You can clean stuff, dry them afterward, separate water from polluted sources of it...
You can "heal" people by messing around with the flow of water inside them. You could probably relieve hypertension with that.
You'll almost never be thirsty again - you can make a drink out of sufficiently moist air. Or if stuck in a desert, just get water from cacti and anything else that's alive.
It allows you to cook food well, making sure heat is evenly distributed inside your cooking pot/pan/whatever.
Uhm... don't get me started on swimming...
You are your own microwave oven.
Contrary to popular belief, you can get water to manipulate anywhere... from the air, from yourself, from other living organisms... as long as you know there's water in something, you can manipulate it.
You can make art, tools, anything solid you need with ice.
You can travel via water, as long as you have the stamina to traverse seas and oceans.
If you're strong enough, or if you have a lot of people with you, you can manipulate weather.

And there are also more creative uses for water, as well...

You can forcibly vibrate water inside living things, making them blow up or burn due to the heat.
You can manipulate the blood inside organisms, making them have strokes by preventing the blood from getting to the brain.
You can freeze the blood and watch them die of hypothermia.
You can forcibly dehydrate them and leave their bodies' proteins to denature.
Or you can just make the water go out of every single hole and pore in their body.
You can manipulate the air around you by moving the water suspended in it.
You can manipulate earth by manipulating the water present in it.
You can manipulate the bodies of the organisms themselves as though they were merely dolls of ice.
You can make ice out of air/nothing, just like what Hohenheim was doing.
Waterball mode, like a RO wizard/high wizard.
You can make weapons out of ice (Law of Ueki mode...)

Water is capable of many things, more than just a whip or a trap of ice. It's like FMA actually. There's a curious thing about FMA. If people could transmute things as long as there is "equivalency", why don't they get themselves loaded with diamonds? They simply have to transmute carbon things into it... It's the simple revelations like that which spur creative uses of simple powers.

That's all for today, folks. Now, I'm not sure how the next one will go. I can't really think of anything. Oh well, back to emo posts again :)

2007-12-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

In contrast to my usual "emo" posts, I will try to make a post about something else this time.

Today, we, or rather I, will talk about Heroes. (Potential spoiler alert.)

If you were to ask which ability I would prefer, I would state "time travel", which is Hiro's. Well, sure, you can't really use it to defeat enemies and such. While it would be advantageous to use such powers to change any undesirable past experiences we might have had, we are not supposed to do so, because as we all well know, screwing around with the past can have disastrous consequences.

I prefer said ability because such an ability would help me understand more about said undesirable experiences. Remember Dumbledore's Pensieve? It is easier to view events from such an angle because your mind isn't like a video camera that records everything that you've experienced completely. When viewed from another viewpoint, you can understand more what exactly you did or said that offended your friend, or something like that. You aren't allowed to change the past, but you can use it to change the future.

Also, I prefer Hiro as the main protagonist instead of Peter. I suppose the show tries to have human characters instead of invincible and inhuman ones. Then again, there are some characters who are just too human, like Peter. Being human isn't about having emotions, loving someone or sex. Being human is rising above yourself and your limitations, and overcoming difficulties due to the unique abilities and choices you make. It's being able to do the right thing, in spite of how hard it is. It's about choosing between what is right and what is easy.

Hiro figuratively cut out his heart and gave it to the dragon, because he knew he had to do so. It was the right thing. Peter on the other hand was all emo about his girlfriend so much that he let himself be played like a puppet by Kensei. Peter is like Marcus Brutus; brave, yes, and caring, but still undeniably stupid. Yes, sure, it was the fault of Cassius/Kensei, but such things wouldn't have happened if he wasn't that stupid. First of all, he trusted Kensei too much just because he did something good for him. Didn't it ever occur to him how Kensei knew there was a secret deadly virus strain somewhere, and it just happened to screw up the future? It was supposed to be secret. Didn't he ever bother to think how it could have leaked out? He's really, well, stupid and naive. Still, I suppose it is good that he cares a lot about the people he loves.

Now that Nathan's dead (oh no! what a spoiler!) I suppose Peter and Hiro would somehow end up fighting again. Peter would be kicking the Company's butt, I suppose. That's another flaw of his - the fact that he's too dependent on his brother all the time. Now that his brother's gone, I suppose Peter would go be stupid again. He's like Brutus; he loves, but he has no thoughts of his own. If he can be goaded to do something he believes is right, he would pursue it until he is proven wrong, or is dead. What a tragic hero.

That concludes this day's commentary. Next issue: bending disciplines (Avatar: The Last Airbender.)

2007-12-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

I'm a bit sad, actually, because I miss you.

I miss you so much...

I have nothing to worry about, though. We'll see each other again, soon.
You'll always be there for me. All of you... will be there for me just in case...

I miss all of you so very much...

I miss Sampa... I wish we could finally have an outing before it's time... Outing or not, we are all still together, no matter what happens.

I miss Gluon... Gluon is such a nice class, because I would always feel welcome. We've been through many tough things together, and we appreciate each other more... We were the nobody section. We didn't dominate sports, or have a lot of DLs, or anything like that. We were a collection of, well, ewan. But we managed to succeed in tasks one after the other given to us. I am thankful to God, and to my classmates, for making this all possible...

I miss Sodium... While I may not really know all of you just as well, we are a class bound together. We may have our differences and so, but we have overcame them. I'm gonna miss you people...

I miss you, [someone]... I hope you come back, safe and sound... Hope you take care of yourself, and be happy wherever you are. Wherever you are, I know that at night, we would be under the same dark sky, looking at the same stars and moon. Well, yeah, you are that far away so that it's night there when it's day here... but, oh well. I hope you are successful in your endeavors over there.

And most of all, I miss you. I am lonely, but I am happy and content, because I know that wherever you are, you will always be there, caring for me. Thank you for everything. I look forward to seeing you again...

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good and hopefully cooler Night.

P.S. To all of those who tease me or my friend about me, please stop it. It's inconsiderate, immature and stupid. Just go bother someone else. Thank you.

2007-12-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

Paskorus na!!! Go Gluon!!!

Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum
Zum zum
Zum zum Zum zum
Zum zum
Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum Zum zum
Zum zum
Zum zum
Zum~

Magsaya tayong kapatirang banal ipagdiwang lugod sa puso
Si Hesus natin Siyang tanging Maykapal lumuhod tayo sa harap niya
Magsimba tayo siyam na simbang gabi uwian ay bukang liwayway
Ang buong bayan ligid-ligiran mga tindaha't kakainan

La la la La la la La la la La la la La la la La la la La la la La la la
La la la
La la la La la la
La la la
La la la La la la La la la La la la La la la
La la la
La la la
La~

Ang durungawan puspos ng ilaw luntian at pula kulay na masaya
At ang pintuan pinagsabitan parol na tunay sa paskuhan
Ang maganda nating bihisan ay isuot kahit na minsan
At ang gintong hikaw at singsing ay linisin bago gamitin

Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom
Popopopom
Popopopom Popopopom
Popopopom
Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom Popopopom
Popopopom
Popopopom
Pom~

Mano po lolo mano po ninong ang sadya po sana'y mamasko
Kung wala ma'y salamat din po sa Tatlong Hari ng balik ko

Ding dong Ding dong Ding dong Ding dong ding~

Kung wala mang gaanong natutunan ngayo'y magsikap sa aralan
Kung wala mang gaanong natutunan ngayo'y magsikap sa aralan~

Ikalabing anim ng Disyembre
Ikalabing anim ng Disyembre

ding dong ding dong~

May mga parol na nakasindi (Ikalabing anim ng Disyembre)
May mga parol na nakasindi (Ikalabing anim ng Disyembre)

Oooooh...

Simbang Gabi
Simbang Gabi
Ay simula ng pasko

Simbang Gabi
Simula ng pasko
Sa puso ng lahing pilipino
Siyam na gabi (Siyam na gabing nagigising)
Sa tugtog ng kampanang walang tigil
Dong~

Maaga kami kinabukasan
(Lalakad kami) Langkay-langkay
Babatiin ang ninong at ninang ng "Maligayang Pasko po"
At hahalik ng kamay

Simbang Gabi
Simula ng pasko
Sa puso ng lahing pilipino
Siyam na gabi (Siyam na gabing nagigising)
Sa tugtog ng kampanang walang tigil
Dong~

Maaga kami kinabukasan
(Lalakad kami) Langkay-langkay
Babatiin ang ninong at ninang ng "Maligayang Pasko po"
At hahalik ng kamay

Lahat kami masayang masaya
At~
Puno ang bulsa
(Hindi namin) malimut-limutan ang masarap na puto't suman
Matutulog kami ng mahimbing
(Iniisip ang bagong taon at ang) Tatlong Hari darating sa Pilipinas ay pasko pa rin~

Maaga kami kinabukasan
(Lalakad kami) Langkay-langkay
Babatiin ang ninong at ninang ng "Maligayang Pasko po"
At hahalik ng kamay

Ding dong (Ding dong, ding dong)
Ding dong (Ding dong, ding dong)
Ding dong (Ding dong, ding dong)
Ding dong (Ding dong, ding dong)

Pasko Na! (Pasko Na!)
Pasko Na! (Pasko Na!)

Manalo man tayo o hindi, go Gluon! Go '08! Merry Christmas, Maligayang Pasko, at sana naman hindi kayo mawalan ng kamay o daliri sa bagong taon...

2007-12-04T22:44:00.000+08:00

I would probably be the "person most likely to screw up."

By all standards, I am supposed to be genuinely happy. I have friends who care about me. I have special friends who understand me. I have classmates who enjoy me being around (at least, I think so...) and I enjoy being with them. I have STR groupmates who have been enduring me for this past year - I am really thankful for them in particular, and I am sorry. I am relatively better off grades-wise compared to some other people. I've had the chance to go to such exotic and faraway places. I am content...

And yet, I have this tendency to just screw up once in a while. Ask my friends; well, if you don't really know them, or me, then don't. What I meant to say is, I am the one who keeps getting into fights and such with my own special friends, misunderstanding words and gestures and getting into heated arguments over misconceptions.

I wish I wasn't like that anymore. I wish I wouldn't keep making mistakes and getting into heated arguments over such insignificant trivial matters. I'll have to change that about myself.

Right now, I'm supposed to study for Physics and English Periodic Tests. I've already finished Les Miserables and read whatever I missed in Spark Notes. I've already studied the list of vocabulary words. I hope I can do well again this Periodical Exam. As for Physics, I've forgotten most of the B equations (the equations concerning computations for the magnetic fields due to various conducting materials.) Luckily, it would help to remember Ampere's Law. Still messed up about interference and diffraction, though. Hopefully I still remember how induced emf works.

//to be continued sometime soon. Then again, by that time, the Phys and Eng perios would be finished.

2007-11-17T15:39:00.000+08:00

I just had one of the happiest birthdays of my life. (If you don't know when that is, oh well...)

Well, sure, I didn't get something I really wanted, like some gadget or anything. I got more than that...

I already have the most important things i could ever ask for. I... feel content.

I screwed up again recently, but it's ok now... Time to move on...

Now, an unorganized collection of events that transpired over the last few days...

Gluon landed in 2nd place in the paskorus. Just as i had left, feeling that we had no chance, i came back... he convinced me to do so... not because our class needed my voice. it was because I had to keep my promise. and when i came back, we tried our best, and it got us this far. go, batch 08!

I've also qualified for a few econ contests. the next one on 24 november. Wish us - me, nicoli, david b., and janella good luck! although, kami nina nicoli at david ung sa 24.

We had such a great day yesterday, painting the school's walls. we had to get paint all over ourselves, climb the wall to paint the fences, and occasionally step on shit. after that we had to douse ourselves with paint thinner to wash the paint off. then we had some food. what a fun activity! I sincerely wish that it would continue next week; regretfully, i may not be able to participate because we have to cram study sessions for econ contests. (modest proposal anyone?)

We also had grad pic taking this week. my creative pose might not be creative, but it doesn't matter. i'll just have to worry about giving pictures to people, when they finally come out.

Due to unfortunate circumstances, we have to restart our str. we have to pull it together now.

I've been touched by the stuff people wrote about me. I hope that they too will appreciate what I've written about them. Thank you so much.

What I would ask from Santa? ...I would want more time, to cherish the people I love and care for, while we are still together.

We'll always be friends, even when we have parted ways. Thank you for teaching me that.

2007-11-02T20:13:00.000+08:00

Once again, I screwed up.

I know now why I've been sad all this time... why I've been taking it out on the people who care about me...

I've... lost track of my ideals. I've forgotten my promises, the things i set myself to do, the mistakes i should never commit again. I've forgotten how to care for other people, and their feelings... All this time I was too busy minding my own sorry self... Now i realize why i felt so sad and empty...

I'm sorry... I truly am... I'm sorry for being so insensitive.

I apologize to those I have hurt carelessly... the people who care for me, whom i got mad at because of something small, trivial, insignificant. I am sorry... I hope i get to forgive myself...

I have to change for the better,,, I have to make good on my promises...

I'll do what i can. I'll do my best this time...

2007-10-14T13:04:00.000+08:00

It was on this day a year ago... The day I would never forget. The happiest day of my life. The saddest day of my life, at the same time...

I felt the greatest love. I felt so much loved... I was so happy, so lucky, so fortunate, so grateful to have such wonderful and kind and loving friends... I was in tears, in pain, in despair... But it did not matter, because they were there for me. He was there for me... They were all there...

I don't exactly remember it like yesterday... I woke up early, or rather, I was awakened by a classmate who managed to stay up all night... Had a morning walk with a friend, and it was cold... Sang songs in the mass with him, my best friend... and then... in the afternoon... he... came to me and let me embrace him. It gave me strength, because it was proof... Proof of our friendship... that no matter how much I annoyed him, or no matter how much he disliked being with me, he would still be there by my side. He would still be my friend... It was more than that though...

In the afternoon, there were confessions... I told the priest what I remembered I did, and after that... I just felt so relieved. Like a pain was taken from my heart... Like a burden was lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I had been forgiven... And I had forgiven myself, something I can never do easily.

I could never move on... My friends would forgive me, even for hurting them so badly at times.... They manage to forgive and forget. I could not... I could not forgive myself... for hurting the people that I love and care for... for hurting them again, even though they find it in their hearts to forgive me... I am undeserving of their love and care, and still they love and care for me... I am thankful... so very thankful...

It was later that night when it happened... I'm sure you all know what happened. The whole incident... After that... I ran away, fled the scene... I went to the chapel and was all alone. I was waiting for somebody... anybody to come... but no one did. I... felt like crying, but no tears came out... I decided to come back... He was there, outside, and quickly i evaded him... Everyone was inside, watching the movie. When it was done, it was time to read. For some reason, I cried... I cried my heart out... in a corner... trying to hide my tears from everyone... and I ran away again... this time, with Ate Tin and Father Mon... I was glad they were there for me as well... Eventually, I got my letters... I still have them with me. Everywhere I go, I bring them, the letters that people wrote me... I brought them with me when I went to Bangkok... and when I went to Montreal, also... they were always with me... They were all simple messages really... They just told me that they did care for me. That they were there for me. Whatever happened...

Now, I am lost. Confused. In despair. Trapped in the past, in the things I have failed to do and pass on time. I always tried to run away... My trips to Bangkok and Montreal were attempts to escape... Eventually though my problems would come.

I have had troubles and problems with my friends. Recently, I am more sad... More prone to depression or aggression at any remark or comment I find insensitive or hurtful to me. I do have the right to be angry when I am wronged... but... I have gone too far. I have hurt my friends again... again with insensitive remarks and anger and frustration...

I've gone too far. I'm sorry. I know that you've already forgiven me and forgot the pain. Please help me forgive myself. Please help me have peace of mind... I'm sorry for always depending on you, but I need your help once more. Please... I'm sorry for forcing you to change. I'm sorry for demanding too much of you. I'm sorry. I know that you would do what's right... I'm sorry for getting mad at you all the time... I'm... sorry...

Sorry.

2007-10-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

It was on this day a year ago...

I was alone. Well, not really alone. In the midst of people looking for signatures. I had just come back from the dormitories, relieving myself. Suddenly, people were coming to me, asking for my signature. Eventually I figured out that it was a game of sorts. Well, the clue about me was... appropriate...

I was alone. In the dark, on the bed, willing myself to sleep. He was there, just opposite me. I was waiting for him to attack. He promised that he wouldn't do anything for these three days. I couldn't count on that. I could not sleep. There was still a light on, in the dark. Occasionally he would come and check up on everyone to see if they were asleep. The friends of mine who were still awake were just playing games, instead of whatever we were supposed to do in the days we spent here. Or, rather, what we were not supposed to do.

I tossed and turned, and I looked at my friend, asleep. I knew he would be there for me in case anything happened. I knew they were all there, beside me, just in case something did happen. The thought gave me peace... Eventually I fell to sleep, to wake up early the next day. It was really cold that early morning... I would have to wake up early, for we were going to sing in the morning Mass.

It was that day, a year ago tomorrow. The most important day to me. It was the day I felt the greatest love. The day I truly felt loved. The day I truly felt cared for. And yet, that was the saddest day also. I was.. brought to tears... And yet in the midst of that night, I did not even know why...

Why can't I let go? Why can't I move on? The past is important, but I must move on.

It is from the past that I draw my strength to continue this life... Yet now I feel I am trapped by it...

I should be happy. I am very fortunate... very fortunate to have friends more than one could ask for...

I have a friend who always understands me, and tries to console me. I feel as though I could share with him all my hopes and sufferings, my problems and anxieties... and he would give me hope. There was nothing to be ashamed of with him, for somehow, he always understood. I was always there for him, and he was always there for me. And sometimes I did hurt him, and betray his trust, but he managed to forgive me. Thank you...

I have a friend who was always kind to me, who always listened to me. He... always forgave me for the things I did to him. He... always forgot how I wronged him. I wish I could be like him. I want to learn how to forgive... It's forgetting the pain and hurt that is hard... He was many things to me... He taught me a lot of things... He was wise and kind, one of the kindest people I ever knew... but he was sad inside like me. I hope he finds happiness in the dreams he can pursue with wisdom like his.

I have friends who are there for me, who console me, either with serious advice or not-so-serious jokes, gags and assorted activities that actually helped... Sometimes, when need be, they correct me and tell me what I am doing wrong. I am thankful. I want to learn that, also. To look at a person, even your closest and most precious friend, and tell them what is wrong with them, to help them see that themselves.

I have friends and people who actually notice that I exist... Even a simple Hi or Hello from anyone brightens up my day, even from the people like my classmates whom I don't really know. For some reason, it makes me... happy. Even if it's just an attempt to get money from me...

I should be happy. Why? Why am I in this silent despair?

I am... trapped in the past. Trapped in the past that gave importance to my life. Trapped in the past that I cannot escape now. I had neglected in my duties, and now they pile up one after the other...

I need to fix myself. Somehow. Before it's too late...

2007-09-27T23:25:00.000+08:00

For the past week, all I've felt is, well, sadness. Rather, a mix of emotions that makes me feel sad, or at least makes me worry...

First, it was about the activities that i missed. The group requirements that required me to be there, and i didn't show up. Instead I was practically vacationing somewhere on the other side of the globe. I feel guilty about that... I'm sorry. I doubt that any of you will have read this, though.

My major problems concern the people important to me. The people most important to me. It's, well, them. You know. My best friends...

...the first problem is that, well, i plan to do something. something that would make my best friend hate me. i assume you already know what that is. well, no, he's not that childish or immature, to immediately despise me. but, he's human. it would only be natural for him to feel pain, when I am with... i know that he always puts his head above his heart, where it has always been (that was one of the things he taught me...) but he's still going to be hurt. whenever he would recall the memory of the time... he will just remember pain. i don't want to make one of the most important days in high school life a hell for him.

and yet, the other part of me says that i shouldn't let his feelings dictate/determine what to do with my life. that my happiness and other interests are more important than his. that they should be more important than his. and yet, my happiness is, well, bound to him. i cannot be happy if he is sad, in despair, more so if he is like that as a consequence of something i have done. if he is mature enough, the other part of me says, he will not let this get in the way... after all, in the end, i do not want to come between them. i never loved... i just had feelings, and i liked being with the person. in the end, it doesn't really matter, because it will only be after school that he can love. it's not important that i... what matters is that they get to be... in the future, after school...

of course, who said she already said yes? haven't even asked her yet. it's most unlikely that she'll even say yes anyway. (wow... so, well, i suppose it's obvious now.)

The other main problem... i can't really talk about it, because he might "listen."

please remember, no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. no matter how much you hurt me, no matter how many faults you have, i will always be there for you. your faults may be all that i can see, but your kindness is all that i feel. i'll always be loyal to you, no matter what i do or say. I'll always remain your friend.

...well, this post is a bit vague and unclear; just like what i feel right now. a mix of emotions.

2007-08-26T15:57:00.000+08:00

I'm finally back home. I missed all of you guys... As usual, I'm feeling a lot of things right now.

We won, first place, in the Regional Ozone Quiz held in Bangkok... After a close fight, we got on top, and stayed there until the final round ended, and we won! We won about USD 1500. Of course, as you already know, half of it goes to the school, and half of it is further divided between Lawe and me. So, after applying math, I get only USD 375. Well, that's not so bad. But still...

It was really fun. Being away from school for a few days (but not too much), being with new people, and making new friends as well. It really was a unique experience that I would always treasure.

We're going to go to Montreal in September. I'm very excited. I mean... it may not be fun or something... I could picture myself sitting in a conference room, being bored to death by overly long speeches and other legislative processes, while having to be presentable because I am a representative... Still, in spite of all that, it's a new place to visit. New experiences... Anyway, back to immediate reality now... I'll have to get my ACET moved, if possible. Hopefully I won't miss much this time. I might miss the Sayaw Interpretasyon, though. Ma'am Cion will just assign me to do something else. Go GLUON!!! RARR RARR RARR!!! You (not we... wala naman ako dun eh...) can do it! Don't worry; manalo man Gluon o hinde, libre pa rin sa birthday ko...

I'm a bit sad right now... My grades have fallen short of what I expected them to be. Physics is okay... Econ is only 1.25; I needed 1.0... And there's Pinoy... I can get a 3... I feel... different somehow. My friends console me, saying that it's okay... we did win an international contest... but still, kung hindi man ako maka-DL ngayon, i'll be a bit depressed. Don't worry though, hindi naman ako ganun ka-emo or pathetic na magpapakamatay ako dahil lang sa grades... Still, as I said twice or thrice already, I'll still be a bit depressed.

I'll just look forward to the future. There is still hope. There are still the people I love, who will care for me and always be with me. Of course, I will be there to care for them and be with them. There is still a life to live. There is still a future.

Now for the less serious part... I'm just going to spend my time talking about, well, new stuff. There's a lot of new things coming...

Before I die, or kill myself (joke) I would like to play StarCraft II... We've all been waiting for it... and finally, it is coming!!! New units for the three races... and favorite units will be back as well. Still, there is something... People are all arguing about the new Dark Templar - about how it looks. Some people want it to look more like the original one. Some dislike the weapon. Some dislike its concept art. Isn't that just stupid? I mean... what's supposed to matter is the unit in-game. If it's still similar to the old dark templar in terms of usefulness, then that's good. Because, otherwise, it would die to a Colossus, maybe even an Immortal, and to a Planetary Fortress as well.

Finally, to all of you who don't like "the new Dark Templar", what can you actually do about it? Complain like hell to Blizzard? You can choose to skip out on everything else in StarCraft II, but that's not Blizzard's problem. There are a lot of people who would still play StarCraft II, even with the new stuff they don't like.
That keeps StarCraft II going. Whatever happens, I'll try to save up for it. Even though it's most likely that my current PC can't handle it, I'll save for it so that I can upgrade my PC...

There's also Ragnarok Online 2: The Gate of The World. Yes, I know most of you are already sick of RO. Well, I'm looking forward to it anyway. It's going to be a nice game, I know it... Just you wait... RO2's going to be a lot different. In RO1 news... there are already 3rd classes! I mean, they're already planned for existence when Episode 13 comes. According to, well, Gravity, 3rd jobs will continue from 2nd jobs, AND NOT TRANSCENDENTS. Transcendents still have an advantage over them though. Well, I don't know what exactly that means, but I am so very excited!

Finally, please comment on the new archetype in Magic - the Planeswalker! Most of the people seem to say that it's so f'n wrong. Yes, the duelists are supposed to be the planeswalkers... Yes, planeswalkers just can't summon planeswalkers; that doesn't sound right. Yes, planeswalkers were never made into cards because they were beyond being mere Creatures. But then, what can you do? You can choose to not play Lorwyn. You'll be missing out on the rest of the set, though.

Still, I'd like to think of how Planeswalkers are to be different... here's a little sample that Joel and I sort of thought up. It's not in any way real...

sample card
Venser - 2UU - 2/2
Legendary Planeswalker - Human Artificer

Blink (At any time, you may remove this card from the game. Return it into play, and enchant it with all auras previously enchanting it, if any, and put on it all counters of any kind previously on it, if any.) [A sort of ability that all Planeswalker cards have, which Planeswalkers are known for... that is, all cards with Planeswalker archetype immediately have this ability]

3, TAP: Put an artifact card from your hand into play tapped.

...Well, wala lang. Just a product of the imagination... If Urza was ever into a Planeswalker card, Joel thought, he would have something like "All Lands are Urza's Power-Plant, Urza's Tower, and Urza's Mine in addition to their types." Well, I'm still excited about Lorwyn.

Now is a great time to be alive... WIth so many new things coming our way... And, it's more than that.

We're friends again... Still, sometimes, I can't believe it, but we're friends again. It's like everything is back to normal. He even trusts me again. I'm so thankful... I'm so grateful for having another chance at this friendship... I won't intentionally do bad stuff this time.

Thank you, [you know who you are]. Thank you so much. You even console me in my grades dilemma and stuff... Thank you for trying to make me feel better. I'm happy for you, that you're doing well in life. I know that things will turn out okay, because you're there for me all the way. Of course, I'll also be there for you, to help you if I can... to console you if you need to. I'm sorry if I'm a bit paranoid about you treating me as though nothing had happened. It's just... too good to be true. Still, I believe now... I trust you now when you say that you're my friend again... Thank you so much...

I'm glad you're my friend again.

Oh, and as for all the personality tests out there.

I belong in Limbo. I'm mostly dependent.

2007-08-19T16:52:00.000+08:00

I'm here in Bangkok right now... After a 3 hour flight, I'm finally here.

It wasn't that much of a long journey. I was quite nervous at the airplane though. I was expecting my ears to explode, or hurt badly, or something. Well, that didn't happen.

It's fun so far...

I'm gonna go home by 23 August, or Thursday. I'll be at Manila by 6:30 pm, +8 GMT. Well, I'm not exactly expecting a welcoming committee...

Bad news... I'm only going to be given my 400 USD tomorrow.... Don't have it yet... All I have is about 300 pesos, which is essentially worthless... for now...

The 2000 prize money has become just 1500... and 1000 will be taken for the school... So, i only have 250 USD... damn... don't worry though, I won't forget to get all of you souvenirs. I'll also log on whenever I am able...

And, well... I'm happy right now... He's my friend again... He's given me another chance. I may screw up again. I can't promise that I won't. But it's going to be different this time... Same as before, but different.

Thank you guys, for being there for me.

Thank you for forgiving me.

Thank you for being my friend again.

Thank you for giving me a chance.

I'm dedicating this contest to you. I'll do my best.

2007-08-17T16:34:00.000+08:00

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breaking
It's early morn
The taxi's waiting
He's blowing his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die...

...Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when Ill be back again...

There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, I'll think of you
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you...

...Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again...

Well, I didn't mean anything by that. It's not addressed to anyone. That's why i removed a lot of parts.

Anyway, I'm going to leave on Sunday, 10:30 am. Still don't know when I'll be back. Probably on Thursday, maybe Thursday afternoon. I'm a bit excited. I'm a bit depressed. I feel so many things at once. I don't know...

A lot of things happened. Once again, I did something stupid. And, unlike before, I did it intentionally this time. How stupid can I be... to hurt the person who trusts me most?

I just hope that we could be friends again. I hope that everything would be back to the way it was before. I hope that eventually you would trust me once more. I will do what I can... everything I must do... to gain your trust back. It's the most important thing to me.

If you will really not trust me anymore, or ever again, I just wish that I could simply be your friend again. I know that you must think that I'll simply screw up again, and hurt you again. Well... I can't really promise change. I can't really promise that I won't screw up again. I know that now. I will do my best to get your trust back. I will do my best to become a better person. Even if I would sometimes hurt the people I care about, I still would try to change for them. It would be better that I had memories with you, both happy memories and sad ones, rather than none at all.

I'm sorry for disappointing you. For hurting you. For betraying your trust.

Thank you for forgiving me. At least, now, I can think clearly. Thank you... Thank you so much.

Please, give me a chance. I may screw up this time... It may only be a matter of time until I screw up again... But, I will try to never hurt you again. I hurt you this time of my own will, thinking I could use you. I will never do that again. That I can promise you, and I do promise you that now.

I know you feel that my words are empty now. I could only hope that eventually you would listen again.

Sorry for the emo post, everybody. Wish me luck in Bangkok... Although, right now I'm worrying over the cultural presentation... And the quiz itself...

Reader's Theatre, and upcoming requirements

2007-08-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow, we're going to perform the Reader's Theatre. For me, it's more than just 14.6% of my English 4 grade (which i desperately need to cunter my Fil grade.) It's also a critical binding experience that determines if Gluon will stay together.

One of the reasons as to why Sampa is so close is the fact that we've all gone through experiences we can all relate. We were all trying our best to win that Paskorus. We would practice every day until we got tired. I remember going home very late, because of practices. It was a very unforgettable set of experiences. Still, when we look back on that, it seems surprising as to why we did not win - we had Red, and Tobit, and Soph, and Iya, and of course, Kim and me (just joking... but we really did sing, and put our all into it.) We didn't win because of... a lot of things. However, the fact that we didn't win didn't bother us at all. We were all in it together, and we were proud of it. We were happy. We had done our best, and gave it all to God. That's one of the reasons as to why Sampa is so close. In fact, there are only a few groups as closely-knit as us.

I just hope something like that happens for Gluon. No offense, but I don't want it to turn out like Sodium did. Sodium was close, yes. The Ramayana was a significant bonding experience. All of that fell apart during the Di-Kumbensyonal na Musika or whatever it was. Since then, we had a general lack of motivation; we were a bit apathetic. Still, days with Sodium were memorable, and like Sampa, they are close to me as well. I got to make new friends, and I got to know people more. More importantly, I grew up when I was with them. All of the stuff that happened to me last year helped me change myself, and Sodium was there for me. Not like Sampa, but still, I could see that most of them cared. Thanks, guys.

Now, I look forward to the future. Hopefully, our Reader's Theatre becomes a success.

I also hope I do well in my upcoming contest also. My parents keep telling me to study, because they certainly don't want me to be unable to answer anything. Still, I'm not exactly just doing nothing. It's not that I am not studying. It's just that, I am still busy with requirements... I also imagine that I'd be steeped in requirements too, like Tobit, and Steph, when I get back. Still, I just hope I can enjoy time there. I'd definitely enjoy a break from all the pressure, and all the requirements. But I would never want to be away... Away from my special family and friends. I just hope that I don't let everybody down... Wish lawe and me luck... Don't worry, I won't forget to get souvenirs. I'm gonna miss you guys...

In a state of entropy

2007-08-09T13:10:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I posted... anyway... right now, I feel so confused... and worried...

The suspension of classes has been quite unnerving... i am grateful for the free time, but we have to do the life sci poster... and my portfolio... and a whole lot of other requirements... There's also the Reader's Theatre... I have to get that remaining 14.6 percent. I have to get 1.0 in english to counter my abyssmal grades in Pinoy this quarter. And, there's also physics, the main subject this year. I have to get a good grade in physics to get my grades up. I am a bit worried about CAT; if i actually get low on it it will push me down, and i can't afford that...

On the other hand, i am quite excited by the Perio scores. I did exceptionally well in English (99/100... yes, curse me if you want to...) and I also did good in Bio (44/50.) I passed Math barely at 19/30, and I got a relatively high score at physics (28/35.) I'm a bit excited at Chem and Econ... and I don't even want to know my score in Pinoy... Ma'am Cion's Pinoy is just like Sir Args' English... in the sense that they are both extremely lethal... if only i could appreciate Filipino Literature like English Literature... You can't blame me, though... Biag ni Lam-ang is no Iliad... and, don't get me started on the Hinilawod... I hope that literature "under the pen and sword" (or, during the Spanish period) is more "understandable"...

Sorry for all the GC talk (not referring to anyone at all, sorry if you're offended) but I really can't think of anything right now... other than grades... I just feel... so many things at once...

There's also the contest.. I'm leaving in about 10 days' time... I'm leaving for Bangkok, with Lawe from muon, and we're gonna participate in the Regional Ozone Quiz. It's, in a few words, a mix of chem and soc sci. Atmospheric chem is relatively easy to handle; it's the soc sci part that bothers me... We have to memorize names of heads of institutions and agencies and stuff. We have to familiarize ourselves with the Montreal and Kyoto Protocols, and trust me, you will find more interesting reads than these legal documents. Why is it that legal documents always have to be long-winded and boring to read? It's just so... circular... and boring... and long... to think that you'd need an entire paragraph just to say one thing... yes, you need to make sure that there are no loopholes or exceptions... still... i don't want to study the whole document, which is why hopefully Ma'am Andaya would summarize it for us...

I'm going to be away from 19 to 23... that is, from Sunday to Thursday next next week... wish us luck... and hopefully i don't miss too many requirements. Hopefully, we would also win the competition itself... Hopefully, I would be able to get souvenirs for most people... That depends, of course, if i have money to spare. Hopefully, I'll also be able to keep in touch with you guys... We're gonna stay in a hotel for a few days, before the competition proper, and it has internet access... i just hope that there's someway i could contact you people... kahit internet cafe man lang...

Wish us luck... not only with the contest, but the requirements that we have to pass before we leave and the requirements that will flood us when we get back...

PS: Reader's Theatre isn't going to be moved at all.. While Sir Args has a point, still... damn...

The Other Side of the Heart

2007-08-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

In the other side of the heart,
there lies pain.
Pain that shatters your life apart.
Pain that is simply too painful.

In the other side of the heart,
there lies the truth.
The truth that pains like no other.
The truth that is simply too harsh.

The truth that you seek to hide
From the eyes of the outside world.
With a mask on your face
And a hood over your eyes
You pretend it isn't there.

It's easy to lie to yourself,
to tell yourself that it doesn't matter
as long as the person you love
is happy and content, even without you.

It still is there,
in the other side of the heart.
And yet you have to accept it.
You cannot change it.
It is immutable, irreversible.
You have to endure the suffering.

Is there only sadness and pain
in the other side of the heart?
I do not even know.
Perhaps there is hope.

The truth, painful as it is,
may be changed, before it is too late.
Never let go of this life.
Never give up your chance.
It's the only chance you get
To make things right.

>>Um... wala lang... anyway...

pm just owned UPCAT's head for n gold!
pm just drew first blood!

>>wala lang... hehe

good luck sa third/last blood! kaya niyo UPCAT. Mas mahirap pa simulation...

UPCAT time

2007-08-03T13:41:00.000+08:00

Finally, the day comes. The day/s when our fates are decided...

What is it with the UPCAT...? I mean... how can i just get 70% on a test made for 2nd~3rd years? It's... just... well... anyway...

Good luck, Batch '08 (the great!)! We can do this! Rah rah rah (whatever... hehe...) But she does have a point... But then again, only she and javert were like that... I don't see ma'am orate or ma'am sanchez saying that...

Expect more decent posts after the UPCAT. I'm just gonna relax... for now... and picture myself eating Egg McMuffins... or whatever they were, basta, I like them... mmm.... food...

See some of you all tomorrow... especially all of us first blood people at the school of econ (dami namin eh)... good luck also to the last-blood people... sana naman hindi kayo masyadong mapagod, dahil may talong peryo pa bukas sa monday at may CAT practical pa (at may CS practical ata ung mga web dev...) look on the bright side... at least the perio isn't math... well.. good luck rin... keep your hopes up... kailangan hindi tayo magpatalo sa previous batches... kailangan 90-something percent sa atin ang pumasa...

And don't forget... number 2 monggol pencils, and erasers, and your testing permit are the only things that you are required and allowed to bring... except for food. mmm... food... And i think you can't bring cellphones as well... that might not be confirmed... read the rules... finally, it may not really matter when you wake up, it's most likely that you'll walk from philcoa/commonwealth until you get to your testing center... sana naman hindi ka mapagod papunta sa testing center na hindi ka na makaisip sa test...

Good luck. Hope you remember what you've studied.

My essay for Ateneo

2007-07-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

The majority of my life has been, in a single word, uneventful. Nothing was happening. I used to excel in academics and studies, in my Grade School, without exerting effort at all. All of that changed during high school. It was during this time that I learned more about myself, and how to understand others.

At my first year in Philippine Science High School, I was unable to excel. There was the sudden realization that there are a lot of people smarter than me in Math, Science, even English/Language. It was also during this time that I had taken to a group of friends. They were from the Ateneo – I was surprised that there were many of them in our batch – and they were not what I expected. I was expecting stereotypical nerds and jocks, like a stereotypical high school. My friends were, well, more jock than nerd. But that didn’t really matter. They taught me the basics of camaraderie, and I did enjoy time with them.

In second year, we went our own ways. This time, I had discovered new friends in my new section. I had a close friend who was from the Ateneo as well. He told me a lot of stories about his former school.

I was expecting the Ateneo to be more than just what my friend described to me. Everyone in his former school was relatively richer than his family was. He would be bullied by older students on the school bus and by his fellow batchmates as well. Of course, I had my share of bullies on the school bus and embarrassing experiences, but not to an extent such as his. And despite of the society that mocked him, of the culture that forced its definitions and limitations upon him, he still remained himself – there was still kindness in his heart. And it was this that drew me to him, and so our friendship started.

From that day on, I felt that whatever purpose I had in life was revealed to me. For me, my mission was to show people that they were cared for, and capable of producing kindness. I wanted to show that this world was unfair, uncaring and indifferent only because it was what they were told. This world is full of sadness because people were to be blind to everything else. These thoughts seemed to fill my life with a purpose, and I believed – not that I found out in the future that they were false or that they were simply naïve ideas of children; rather, I found out it was not easy to fulfill these purposes.

I had returned the kindness of my friend with kindness and concern in turn, and it made me happy as well. The second year contained many wonderful memories and experiences, and the “family” of sorts that we had carried over into the future. We were always closely knit together, more than just a barkada, more like an actual family.

Third year, however, was a most stressing time, and it was a bit sad as well. It was also the most memorable of the years I spent so far. It was during this time that I made a new friend from an acquaintance in second year. He was one of the smartest persons I knew, winning contests he was sent to, or at least getting recognitions for them. He was also very kind to me as well. He would try to teach me when I would not comprehend the lessons we were taking up. He would always have time to listen to me, although he was usually quite busy with his contests and requirements. In time, he became a special friend to me. He showed me that by understanding people, I could show them that they were cared for.

It was during these times that love grew in the hearts of people, and was expressed. I was surprised to see most of my friends asking their “special someone” to go to the prom with them. My best friend from last year was asking someone as well, even though he said that he would go stag (not go with anyone.) We were all surprised, yet we still helped him, and finally he got to pop the question. My story was different, though, and a bit sad.

One of my classmates in second year was my classmate again in third year. He was also from the Ateneo, and he had quite a reputation, both here and in the Ateneo. He was an outcast, a pariah of sorts, ostracized by the batch and ridiculed by his peers from the Ateneo, but still he felt at home with the rest of our group. I took it upon myself to try to console him and understand him. For a while, it worked. However, we had a misunderstanding, and it developed into a grudge.

Somehow, I had violated his feelings, and eventually he had a vendetta with me. He would attack what I say and hurl insults at me. Such acts did not disturb me much. However, he was also trying to ostracize me from our group. He brought with him a few handhelds and played games with most of my friends, making them spend more time with him than me. Eventually, he proceeded to physically attacking me with various “weapons.” He even attacked me during our Retreat, and it made me really depressed that night. My friends were there for me, however, and it turned out okay. Eventually we got him banned from the school after another attempt to hurt me.

In his absence, I realized how similar we were to each other. For instance, we both believed ourselves mature and understanding of others. Even our mannerisms were the same. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how similar we were to each other. Eventually, however, I made mistakes that sundered my life, and I regretted these things so much. I had promised myself that I would change, and not make these mistakes again.

Right now, I am in the fourth year, with my two best friends and the rest of our group, trying to change myself for the better so that I would not hurt my friends anymore. Adding this to the workload for the fourth year, and preparing for the UPCAT, the more difficult ACET and maybe even the SAT, I could see myself being stretched to the limit. It was a bit of relief when my “enemy” reconciled with me, and I really appreciate it. I will not back down, however. I will graduate and qualify for the Ateneo, and eventually fulfill the purpose of my life somehow with my job. Until that time, I am here. I will change. I will work hard for the future, so that it will be different from the past. This school, and the experiences I have had here, and the friends I have, has taught me more than limits of functions, or reaction rates and equilibrium expressions, or quantum physics, or epics and works of literature, or soccer and badminton, or marching in cadence, or even cramming. All of them – my school, my parents and teachers, my friends, and the experiences I have - taught me how to live this short life I have. I feel a bit content; knowing that I have touched a few lives – the friends closest to me – and made a mark on this world with the achievements I have made, even if they are only small.

Somewhere in my high school there is a plaque with my name on it. The competition it was commemorating wasn’t that big – a Social Science Quiz – but it is more than that. It shows that I existed, that I was here on this planet. And I will continue to exist, after I die, in the lives of the people that I have touched.

this blog is not dead! :((

2007-07-25T21:46:00.001+08:00

To my avid readers (as if) : I apologize for being too lazy to update my blog. It's all because of STR, and long tests, and etc. Right now, I'm supposed to be doing Filipino, but, oh well. We have a lot to talk about that happened over these 12 days since my last post.

First, the not really important stuff. I was finally able to watch Transformers... Yey. Be happy for me. Be very very happy. Anyway... it was nice. While I am not familiar at all with the series, I still appreciate it. There is still the cliche nerd turning into hero over the course of the film, which is so overused and unoriginal and unreal, but Bumblebee's... appropriate background music really does deliver. All in all, it's a nice movie... I'm not sure how bad Harry Potter 5 sucked though... I still think it would be nice...

Speaking of Harry Potter, I was able to read and finish Deathly Hallows in a single day... when I was supposed to be reading Ang Mag-anak na Cruz. I slept at 2 am just to finish it... and it was nice. It really does tie up all the loose ends. There were a few slightly disappointing points. First of all, R.A.B. really did turn out to be //SPOILER; we were actually expecting somebody else - not a new character, but we got it right. There were also a few unanswered questions. For example, it is shown that Petunia Evans Dursley had correspondence with Dumbledore. No, not after the Boy Who Lived incident; she had a letter from him, maybe even about Hogwarts, when she and Lily were just teenagers. It might be likely that Petunia is actually a witch; she might have wanted to be a witch, at least. SInce there are no more books after, we may never know. Also, I expected something more elaborate for the Harry vs Voldemort fight thing. A cool duel like what happened between Voldemort and Dumbledore; Harry throwing spells at Voldemort, him doing the same, no more annoying Priori Incantatem/twin-core wands to slow it down (ah, spoiler... but then again, if they did do Priori Incantatem, it would've made a cool fight... the echoes of Voldemort's victims floating around...)... not just his spell simply backfiring on him. More questions. Can a simple Protego protect you from Voldemort's Killing Curse? Seems... unlikely, but for some reason... hmm... Other things. A lot of people died... I would've made a list, but... oh well... Voldemort dies, duh... Harry dies as well. What a spoiler.

Enough Deathly Hallows. Let's go to... Pisay! We (sodium + xby) watched on saturday, after the review. I was lucky to come, 'coz i was sick that time, with a slight fever. After taking a trip through Manila (we passed by Tobit's previous school, St. Jude, on the way...) we finally got to the CCP. We proceeded to the balcony, where I sat with Vien and Kyla... and directly behind Sir Talaue... There were a lot of teachers there, because they were all invited to watch at the same time we watched - 1530. The movie lasted a good two hours or so. The movie was, well... I couldn't really have an unbiased opinion of it, because I do study at that school. It was nice... mainly because we could see in the movie... parts of our own life in Pisay. We could relate to the stories of the people. I wouldn't want to spoil the story; all I can tell is that it is discontinuous. It covers the lives of different people throughout the different years of high school life, as the batch graduates. After a while, it might be redundant to see the students having the same class over and over again... but still, it is worth the discounted price of 50 pesos. There were also food and "drinks" there... drinks, as in, drinks that you're not supposed to drink yet. Why is it minors like beer anyway? Why are we so excited when one of our classmates brings beer or something? It may not even taste good at all... Maybe it's just a self-imposed standard by the society. I mean, just because we can't drink beer makes it a substance we look forward to drinking when we can. Anyway... we had a lot of Sodium pictures... It really was fun. We saw a lot of teachers at the place; most of the teachers we know are there; even ma'am cardenas was there... While it seems we might've wasted our time watching on the 21st when we watch it by batch on the 27th, there are still some... important things. I am definitely bringing some money to get a Pisay shirt...

Let's pray for Tobit and Steph, that they win something in IMO in Vietnam. And for Tobit as well, so that he would finally make a move when nobody's looking. Well, not what you think... It's just that... this might be the only chance he gets with Steph alone... I know that he would make the right/proper choice, whatever it may be. Let's just wish them good luck... And, expect them to bring presents/souvenirs/pasalubong... OR ELSE. (Yep, that's from Vien... Well... I want a souvenir also... Not really the panda bear that says "I love you!" when you squish it, but I want that also...)

My throat, or rather, the posterior end of my oral cavity hurts so much... I can't really eat because the sheer pain forces me to abandon eating. It really is painful... I just hope it heals soon...

That's all...for now... More posts to come.

a long and tiring week.

2007-07-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

This week was long and tiring. However, a lot of things happened over the course of these past few days. I'll try to go over them...

First... I passed the first LT in Math! I even got the highest score in Gluon - and my score was 28/40. It was obviously that freaking hard. It really was a good thing that i was able to solve the two problems in the problem solving part. They were relatively uncomplicated as compared to the ASN part and the FitB part... Still, I am glad that I passed. The first LT of Math 5 is always the most difficult one... and I'm glad I passed it... sorry for all of you who might be offended...

In the Com Sci LT, i only got 26/27... well, sorry for seeming arrogant, but I was in Proogies... I was supposed to ace that exam without any problems... I've also been troubled by the PS given to us in Proogies. No programming stuff; just... logic. Not even being group mates with "god" (the de Villa guy who won programming competitions at first year...) seems to help. I hope I can think up of a solution to that... Still, I am excited with the upcoming competition thingy. If me and my partner (the twenty or so of us were split into pairs of two) win, we get tickets to movies in Trinoma. Well... I know what I'm going to do with them...

The Filipino LT was, well... um... I don't know. There was a lot of stuff I was unable to answer. It was asking specifics and stuff, like the meter of a song or a creed. It also gave sample pieces of literature and we were supposed to identify these. It was hard, because, well, I didn't know what to expect. I hope I pass... even barely...

I got 35/40 in the Bio LT... Yes, I am supposed to be happy, but a lot of people were higher than me. I have to do better next time... One must always remember that whenever you barely pass, almost pass, get a high score, or ace a Long Test, there is always one after it which will be a chance to improve your grades, drastically improve your grades, or spillover into bonus points or such. After you take a Long Test, what's done is done. You pass, you fail, etc. Look forward to the next LT as a chance to do better.

CAT earlier was so much fun! We had a bonding experience... in the rain... and we were marching and marching in cadence, over and over again. And while we were doing that, rain fell on our bodies. I'm not surprised if we get sick, but still, I hope I don't... Anyway, for toiling under the rain, our entire platoon got one (1) merit (yep, corresponding format:D) A few other people got demerits as well though. Vien got one for his necklace which was an accessory, and Kim also got one for being unable to march in cadence most of the time. Well, I'm sorry if I offended them... I just hope there are other ways we can get merits. There are so many ways to get demerits. How come getting merits isn't that easy?

We also had an acquaintance party in Atom Family. I was rather surprised by the huge population of this year's Atom Family. They were planning a field trip to a Coke (the drink which used to contain the drug) plant I think... must be the one in Laguna. Anyway, I had to go after that, because I had to submit my Bio notebook for partial checking. I won't have to do that anymore if I have high grades in Bio.

Earlier today, it rained so hard. Like a storm actually. Well, more like a storm/whatever you call it caused by an actual Signal 4 typhoon. The winds were so strong, and the rain was falling so hard. I remained stranded in the gazeebo, because I could not afford to get my ACET forms wet. I just waited for the rain to calm down. It was very strong, however, and it took a long time before the winds died down. But then it rained again in CAT... and you know what happened...

Anyway, I suppose the climax of this week is his reconciliation with me. Yep, you heard that right. He actually apologized to me. I was very surprised. A part of me sees this as a sign of change in him; I feel that he did that even though he knew that she wasn't there to be impressed by it. Yet I know that it is more likely that he did that because he wanted to impress her/everyone. Still, I am relieved actually. At least I don't have him as an enemy anymore... I think.

That is all for now... Tune in next time, when we discuss... what else but what I've experienced.

Ah wait... I suppose this counts as a PS. Our group in English has a total of ~165 points! Pro kami eh. There was also a bonus of 10 pts given if a member of the group has passed all quiz prior to, well, th e point in time where we got the bonus. He called it the iron man bonus or something. Anyway, go Eda and Clarisse, the reps of Gluon! And they're both of our group... Hope they best the other sections... but still, I will support Kim. He made it to the finals as well; he's one of the reps of Tau... I hope he wins, if not Eda/Cla. Go Gluon... and Kim(Tau):D

so long since my last post.

2007-07-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

Due to incessant readers' demand (that means you, Vien) I will post again. Not that I have anything against it though. It's just that, I was, well, a bit lazy to post. So many things happened, and I might not be able to cover them all.

What I could remember vividly were my barely passing marks in physics AND chem. I didn't expect to get such a low score in chem. Probably because what I did to solve the problems was wrong. Oh well. I will have to make up for it in the future. I can't afford to get low grades in chem. The bio long test was a bit annoying due to the part where we had to count chromosomes, chromatids and stuff. I didn't know how to do that; I didn't memorize that kind of stuff. Math, on the other hand, was a bit challenging. As I struggled through the long test, I felt that I didn't have enough time to do the problems in the problem solving part. Well, I was unable to solve a lot of items in the Fill In the Blanks portion. It was the most annoying part actually. I was able to do both problems in the end. Also, I realized I forgot to discuss one of the items in the long test. There was an identification part, which was unusual because it was math. I forgot to discuss LORAN, an application of hyperbolas... Sorry...

Our meetings at Proogies were quite enjoyable. We, the seniors, were actually the noisiest in the room. Compared to us, the other years were silent. C++ was the language to be used in Proogies. The good thing about that is the simplified input/output. Even though Kuya Ivan was discussing stuff we knew (and most probably forgot) two years ago, it still was fun.

CAT was as fun as ever. And, yes, if you consider marching in cadence, sitting in two seconds with maong pants, standing up in two seconds after said feat with maong pants, and bearing the lower years who would take their time lining up for the flag retreat - if you consider all of these fun activities, you must be a masochist, or a sadist, or there is something else wrong with you, or you are plain sarcastic like me. Well, at least now I have a tickler and B/U/R pens.

After a week's respite, we have been given the next task for STR - which is actually a list of tasks. Yes, it is a play on words. I don't know for sure when this deadline is. I hope we can pass it in time.

Life Sci was interesting, as usual. We proceeded to continue on our topic, which was dreams. While it was difficult to gather data, it still was an interesting topic. Joel had another dream; this time, it was a bit like a nightmare. It was very unpleasant for him. I also found out more about his life actually. Of course, these are the sort of things that one should not disclose. I really don't know much, but still, I appreciate him sharing his dreams with me and our group.

Now, for not academic stuff. Recently I've been obsessed with the trailer for KH3, which is known not to not have KH3 as its title. I've been watching the trailer over and over again, partly because the graphics are amazing, and the sound is, well, enchanting, to the point that I have LSS for it. You can watch the high-quality version on YouTube at this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA5bf5jG2co

There are a few things I would like to clear up. First of all, the guy who gets frozen IS NOT ROXAS. Yes, he looks like Sora/Roxas, and he used something that resembled the Kingdom Key. But HE IS NOT ROXAS. And, he is not dead. You can see his eyes move even though he's frozen. Next. The guy dressed like Riku Replica is NOT Riku Replica. Why do people even think about stories for him? The old guy summoned him. He's not a summon in the FF sense of the word (think Bahamut, Ifrit, etc.) but rather, he seems like a normal summon - uhm, a temporary magical construct brought to reality to serve its master, more like a Patronus. Yes, he can wield a Keyblade... but that may simply be because he was an extension of the old man. The blue-haired person is claimed by many to be a woman, and her name is Aqua (analogous to Kairi, sea.) There are two other names, Terra (analogous to Riku, earth/land) and Ven (analogous to Sora, sky/air), and there are 3 persons to assign them to - the person who looks like Sora/Roxas, the person with the eyes that changed into yellow, and the old man. Many claim Ven is the Sora/Roxas look-alike. The identity of the third knight is a mystery. Some say it is Terra; others say it is Xehanort (a lot of KH2:FM stuff points to this conclusion actually.) Terra is also in KH2:FM. At least, a guy called Terra was. The music for the video is called Fate of the Unknown. I like it; I've been having LSS over it for the past few days.

There are a lot of stuff that happened these past few days, actually. Stuff that I would not rather talk about. But there are also stuff that I can talk about... and that was it.

P.S. The STR unit actually has a website. It's maintained by Sir Tayco, the STR teacher of Charm, I think. It's concerned mostly with STR 1 stuff, though. The site is http://www.freewebs.com/pshsresearchunit/

i'm relatively happy today.

2007-07-02T21:18:00.001+08:00

First of all, sorry for not being able to post on the previous days. I was a bit down or something, and was too lazy to post. It seems like I am still too lazy to post; this post will be a bit short.

A lot of good things happened today. First of all (yes, it is redundant...) we had free periods in Physics and Chem. I was a bit thankful for that, since I don't want to know my score in that long test. It was a pity actually. I sort-of understood completely how to solve the problems given. I did not manage my time wisely, however, and I feel that I made so many mistakes that I failed. I hope not. I really need to get 1.75 above in Physics; otherwise I will not be able to make it to the Director's List. No, I am not GC; it's just that, I can't afford not to be DL since I will lose certain privileges that are important to me. Good thing the same doesn't go for Chem. I am pretty optimistic about that long test...

I also found out that I made it to Proogies!. I am very fortunate that I have been blessed with such an honor, and I will not screw it up again. I look forward to it with eager anticipation. Kim also made it to Proogies! also. I'm happy for him, and that's not sarcastic actually...

Gluon did well in soccer today against Graviton. I finally got to touch the ball at least once, and I was able to push it a distance forward just when they were making an attack. It was rather intense. In the end, it was a stalemate which was only broken by a penalty kick. So, the score was 1-0. A similar stalemate happened with the girls.

We were able to submit our capsule proposal today as well. We are rather fortunate, since some people don't have approved topics yet...

We also had an acquaintance party of sorts in Gluon. There was food... food... and more food... and did I mention food? There was sushi, pizza, 2 kinds of ice cream, spaghetti, pancit palabok or malabon (whichever, don't really know actually) and barbecue. And also 9 or so bottles of coke. We had a lot fun and ate a lot of food. There were also a lot of other non-Gluon people who came; Ma'am Cion took pity on them and let them have some food. We then had fun cleaning up the place and stuffing everything into a small cardboard box, and then throwing it in the trash can...

Other stuff that happened today include the quiz in English. We spent the period given to us by ma'am quines group-studying for the quiz. Quite unsurprisingly, none or few of the things I remember most vividly came up. I mean... the trivia stuff I remember most actually didn't come up at all. And I am still not used to super-specific questions, like "What did Achilles do when... blah blah blah happened?" Hope I did well on that quiz. I also hope that more than one of our members go to the next round (we have one guaranteed member in the next round because two of our members are pitted against each other.) Controlling 4 of the 8 spots in the quarterfinals isn't really reassuring when one of you must go...

We had a quiz of sorts in Econ, and we were to discuss issues and apply economics to them. For example, I chose to explain the necessity of CAT in terms of positive and normative economics. It's not that I needed a book...

Anyway, the real climax of this [insert adjective here] day was, well, the soccer match between Tau and Graviton. No, it wasn't because Alex scored a goal in his own goalpost. It was, well, what was happening during the match. And also what happened after it, later in the afternoon. Something just... happened; something which was significant to me. I can't really say what it is, but it is important to me...

I was expecting this to be a bit shorter. Oh well. And, I want you to know that I won't be finishing last Friday's post. I'm just too lazy to. Sorry :D

yet another extremely tiring day

2007-06-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

As the title of this post states, today was, yes, yet another extremely tiring day. How surprising. Well, here we arrive to the part where I talk, and talk, and talk and you listen and don't even leave a trace that you actually read this. Well, it's not really that important; on with the show.

Biology was relatively interesting. Other than that, no real comment. Filipino was a bit fun; our presentation was at least amusing. Physics was not the usual naptime, for once - we had a relatively fun game, which Clarisse had been requesting for a long time. We were given a series of statements, and we were to determine if they were true or false. Some were actually quite tricky. Still, I did learn a lot. I hope I'm ready for the long test tomorrow. I would still study a little bit, but not too much.

One of the morale boosters of the day was English. Our dreaded quiz about the first four books of the Iliad was postponed, thanks to G++. Furthermore, our group actually has the best performance of all the groups in Gluon - even among the 4 sections, I think. This was because we "won" the first task - the task/s about the Book of Job - and got about an additional 20 points. Our group also has 4 members in the next round - Eda, Jay, Clarisse (who beat me... darn...), and Lara. Go [team name]!

Life Sci was a bit interesting, though I didn't get to enjoy it much because I was busy worrying about Proogies!. Joel told me a bit about the dreams he had. He seems convinced that his dream meant something; well, I couldn't blame him, and it would be good for him if his dream motivated him somehow. Whenever I dream, I would sort of instantaneously forget whatever dream I had, like it was some kind of RAM, or volatile memory (the proper term.) Anyway, let's continue with the rest of my day.

Lunch was relatively uneventful; I had wished to review for Proogies!, but I had something else to do - cram my expenditure log. In this 7-day period (Thursday last week to Wednesday) I spent about Php 496. I'm sure a lot of you spend a lot more weekly than that. I wasn't really awake for most of Soc Sci; I was, well, extremely sleepy. No offense to Sir Job. He's not the boring kind of teacher, but still I fell asleep. I remember ma'am Docto saying something about that phenomenon - the body would spend most of its energy absorbing and distributing the nutrients from the food being digested. This means that, well, less energy would be spent keeping you conscious, making you fall asleep eventually. And that's what happened to me. Hey, I think I learned something from her...

Whatever the case was, I'm glad I got a little bit of sleep, because I was going to need it for the Chem long test. It was a bit tricky also. First of all, we were given a thought problem which tested our understanding of K. It said that it was a spontaneous reaction; therefore, K was supposed to be bigger because there was a bigger numerator. However, since the product of the rxn was a solid, it had no numerator. It was a bit tricky for me.

The other tricky part was the last one, where we were to do the usual switching-around equations and stuff to obtain the K for a net reaction. The catch was, it was is Kp, not Kc. I'm not exactly sure if the same rules work for Kp as they do for Kc, but i assumed they did not, and just converted them back and forth. I hope my solution is correct.

PE was, well, a bit fun. I only got to play a little during the "epic" match between Gluon and Charm. It was exciting; yes, I am not that good, and I only am a reserve, but still, I watched them and, well, supported them - not by making loud screams, but, well, you get the point. It was a deadlock, a stalemate, a draw - 2 0 as dulie used to say; or 0-0. The girls lost to Charm by 1 point - it was 0-1 - but still, they put up a good fight. What was even more exhausting was the fact that they faced Muon after. The guys still won, though - it was 3-1, i think. I had to go prepare for Proogies!.

This time around, Proogies! was even more exhausting. I was able to do a grand total of 0 problems. This time, the issue was my general illiteracy with Java. I was able to understand more about try/catch and exceptions, and I am glad I learned it under pressure, but still I was not able to do anything. I just hope I get 'reconsidered'; for now, I'm on the "waiting list." I was finally able to leave school late at night, by 7:00... It's the latest I've ever been for this year.

Anyway, that's all for tonight.

extremely tired and exhausted.

2007-06-27T23:37:00.000+08:00

I didn't think I would be able to post tonight. I just crammed the math report thingy. We were assigned hyperbolas, and since they have rather limited applications, I had a hard time. Still, I hope it turns out okay. I did a bit of, well, faulty reasoning actually. I mean, it would take a lot of creativity for you to think that a coke bottle is a hyperboloid(look it up somewhere) but when you do think about it, it actually is. Same goes for hourglasses, whirlpools, and stuff. They're just... there, and when you think about them, they are hyperboloids in some way. Well, anyway, enough math. I'm tired. Have to go sleep now. Goodnight.

Mixed feelings once more.

2007-06-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

Today was, again, like any other normal day.

It started with a not-surprise quiz in English. I was caught off-guard because I had arrived a little late, and I didn't study a lot. Okay, I didn't really study. I do listen to Sir Args' lectures. I just don't take notes of any kind, because I feel that I don't need them. I was a bit disappointed because I was not able to pass to the next round. Oh well, at least Clarisse got to the next round. It was a bit unfair. For three straight times, our groupmates were pitted against each other. It's a bit unfair. Still, I will have next quarter - and Thursday's quiz as well - to look forward to.

We were able to pass our STR proposals - mine and Dandy's. Of course, they have not yet been approved. Yet. We are very hopeful. I hope my proposal gets accepted; well, of course the same goes for Dandy's. My proposal is, I believe, decent - it is not a simple run-of-the-mill alternative substance research, and it is doable, understandable and comprehensible by 4th year students. I hope it gets approved... It is hard to think of topics. About that... I feel a bit sorry for Kim. His group's proposals were all rejected. He feels tired and STRessed (duh, STR) and I just want him to be, well, less STRessed. Hope he gets another an idea, which the STR people would finally accept.

Physics was doable. Electric fields were not really that different as compared to forces. Relatively the same thing: vector addition. Now, we have a new hobby: counting the number of times ma'am Quines says "ok." Still, I think I fell asleep in physics again. Not really asleep; more of extremely sleepy.

I was unable to do the quiz in math; i was expecting something on hyperbolas and instead got a quiz on ellipses which i was not able to do because i misinterpreted eccentricity. Hyperbolas are ok; they're the stuff we have to research for...

Life Sci didn't really go well because we were unable to watch whatever it is we were supposed to watch. I went with Joel's group for the poster/billboard thingy. It was fun working with them, though i feel a bit out of place for now. Chem proceeded smoothly because we were given an early dismissal. Com Sci was sadly nonexistent due to the sudden blackout. Power was restored before Health, and during that time I was again extremely sleepy. I can't believe we had to memorize the name of every bone in the body... Soc Sci was also nonexistent because Sir Job wasn't there again. I was able to do the seatwork hours before and promptly enjoyed a 3:20 dismissal.

One of the highlights of this day was the listing for platoons for CAT. I am to be in the Delta platoon, along with Kim, Tobit and Jason. Good thing I'm familiar with most of my fellow platoon members. Also, I found out that another Proogies! exam would be held on Thursday. I'm not really sure if I can make the cut. I feel like I've lost my interest, actually. With my minuscule knowledge of Java and C++, I'm not sure I can make the cut. Still, I would be glad if I did. I have equipped myself with knowledge of arrays now, and a little bit of input/output, and a little on exceptions. I will still try to do the best I can.

I think that's all for today. The original idea for this post was a bulleted list of the things I could/should/would tell Castro when I do confront him. Let's just do that for another time...

First ever serious post.

2007-06-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

Today started like any other normal (mon)day. We had a flag cem, and stuff like that. It's not really my thing to go talk about all the stuff that happened. So, I'm just going to talk about the important parts.

I'm glad to see I've been doing rather well in Physics and Chem. I could understand how the solutions and computations are done; not really surprising because it's that simple. I've done good in a quiz and stuff like that... Things are looking good... for now.

I've been dealing with STR quite well recently, because now I have a topic. It may or may not be intel-worthy, but it doesn't really matter to me. Of course, it's not yet approved, but, well... I hope it is. It really is a good idea, if I may say so myself. The problem is, I may not be able to think of anything else if it is not accepted. If you really want to know, my idea is to test the anti-cancer properties of a chemical on different kinds of tumor cells. It might sound a bit plain, but it really is an experimental cure for cancer. It has been shown to have effects on breast cancer and a few others. We plan to test on more kinds of cancers, and to see if it affects them in the same positive way (that is, if it kills the cells.) This is different from curing the entire tumor/s, because it might not be enough. It might only cause the tumor to shrink or something like that. Still, at least our research isn't a simple alternative substance crap.

PE was tiring and exhausting. We played without Max and got 3-1. I feel that I let him and the team down. It really was tiring; I feel like I was being stretched all over the place. He was a bit sad/depressed... I just hope we can have fun, and win, the next match. Soccer is fun, yes, but still, it hurts a little when you lose. Even more so when you feel it's your fault.

Finally, the last issue at hand is him. I plan to have a serious conversation with him sometime in the future. I don't know what I should say; I don't even know if he would listen or notice me. Still, it must be done sometime, somehow.

Please, feel free to comment. If only I had a f'n tagboard...

why can't i edit this f'n thing?!

2007-06-24T22:33:00.000+08:00

See title. It's actually very frustrating really. I can't even put my f'n tagboard in this f'n thing. What the hell is XML anyway? It keeps saying. "element (whatever) must have corresponding ending tag" crap. Really annoying. This layout is nice, but why can't i put my tagboard here...? crap... please help. but then again, since i have no tagboard, i can't receive anything... this really sucks.

First post of this new blog.

2007-06-24T19:44:00.000+08:00

Yep, as the title suggests, this is the first post of this new blog. I plan to make it more serious and stuff. More of talking about myself... without revealing stuff i don't want to reveal. It's going to turn out different. I can't even think of something to write right now. I'll get back to this blog, when something happens in my [insert adjective here] life.