let me start by saying... thank you.
thanks for all the memories, gluon... i mean... masaya ako na nag-exert tayo ng effort sa lahat ng mga class thingies natin... naiintindihan ko na mahirap rin ang paghahandle ng mga class requirements sa mga leaders... pero i really appreciate the efforts we have made... alam kong close ang gluon dahil dun... palagi tayong united when it comes to these things... like gluons, we are the mediators of the strong force, which binds us together (weh physics talk.)
masaya ako sa gluon kasi marami akong friends dito... marami akong bagong friends na nakilala, at sila yung mga kasama ko sa fourth year, ang pinakamahalagang year ng buhay ko so far... sila yung mga karamay ko sa mga paghihirap ng fourth year... and masaya ako na sila yung kasama ko...
salamat sa inyo, clarisse at eda... i'm glad that you were there, when i needed someone to talk to. thank you for trusting me as well...
pati rin ikaw, chuck, salamat rin sayo... salamat para sa tulong mo with, well, the gift thing... tapos yung str rin... thanks for not losing your patience... happy birthday ulit... sana nasayahan ka naman ngayon, kahit papaano... hehe.:D
salamat kina kim at jay, for the jokes... as i said, they always made me laugh... hehe...
kina sarah at mittsu, for... ewan, basta, salamat...
kina max, neil and monmon... for magic...
kay clariza... for the prom thing...
kay tami... thanks for all your efforts for gluon... sorry kung minsan naiinis ka sa amin... salamat para sa mga outing at overnight sa bahay nyo...
kina givette at cha... for legacy! hehe...
kay noel, para sa mga jokes and stuff niya... he always has a way of cheering up people... whether it be the jokes on the phone, or corny jokes, salamat... thanks for being there...
kay crisby... naging medyo kilala rin kita... i'm glad to have you as a friend as well...
and, kung hindi man kita namention in person... ito na...
sa gluon... neil, chuck, noel, broño, EJ, JBL, james, jay, dandy, max, monmon, non, crisby, joseph, desa, cha, chanchan, givette, sarah, eda, cla, lara, tami, kim, mittsu, clariza, hannah, rose ann, at ma'am cion... thank you!... thanks so much for making gluon so special... buti na lang masaya ang last year ko sa pisay... thanks...
sana mag-graduate tayo lahat...! at sana magkita tayo ulit somehow... well... mamimiss ko kayo... pero, yun nga, sigurado naman akong magkikita tayo ulit... kahit na sa ibang bansa kayo mag-aral... san man kayo mapunta, good luck na lang, at sana masayahan kayo sa buhay.
PM
Gluon-11
hello! musta na!...
first of all... gusto kong magsorry... kasi, para sa akin... ginastos ko yung third year ko with sampa and not you guys. so... sorry... pero masaya naman ako na sinamahan niyo naman ako sa mga outing and stuff. nandun kayo para sa akin kung kailan nagdurusa ako sa mga problema. well, not really for me, pero, yun nga, masaya rin ako na, kung medyo problemado ako, some of you people bothered to say stuff like "ok lang yan..." those words really mean a lot to me...
masaya ako na marami ring akong nakilalang bago sa sodium... nakilala ko ng husto si vien, na hindi ko ganun ka-kilala sa sampa, pati si kat rin, at si gama... tapos, nakilala ko rin yung mga jade prime people... sina clariza at janella, sina bab at nizzy, sina claridge at dea (my promdate sa first prom natin), sina zim at jean... tapos, sina eljon at olav at ste, sina broño, esge at cha... si chard, yung str groupmate ko... tapos si steph... well... nakilala ko si steph dahil kay tobit.... and that was how our friendship started...
gusto kong magpasalamat sa sodium, kasi nandun sila, hindi naman para sa akin, pero, nandun pa rin sila sa mga panahon ng paghihirap. lalo na sina eljon at olav, sina jay, vien at gama, at steph... salamat sa inyo kasi in one way or the other medyo natulungan niyo akong mag-cope with... well... you know. hindi ako nagsisisi na sodium ako, kahit na hindi ko kaklase yung mga close friends ko, kasi nakahanap ako ng mga bagong kaibigan...
thanks for being there... it really meant a lot... thanks...
...looking forward to the next sodium outing:D sana naman mag-graduate tayo lahat. good luck sa atin!
Na-11
well...
special ang sampa sa akin. naalala ko pa nung first day ko, kung saan ang mga kakilala ko lang ay ang mga dati kong kaklase sa garnet. tapos, yun, kilala ko rin ng onti si tobit... not as a person, pero, well, sa mga achievements niya and stuff... tapos, nakilala ko rin si kim nun, dun sa activity kung saan pinapadescribe sayo yung seatmate mo. first day yun. hehe... sabi ko monkey siya... tapos sabi niya gorilla ako... well, hindi ko pa siya kilala nun.
usually, ang kasama ko sa sampa noon ay si serl, when he was less emotional. naalala ko yung group namin sa bio, kasama namin si jepoy. may dalawang teachers tayo for bio - yung mga advisers natin... hindi ko na naaalala kung paano magturo si ma'am cardenas... pero alam kong mahirap yung mga long tests niya... tapos si ma'am cheng naman, gumagamit ng mga illustrations sa acetate. pero hindi rin madali ang mga long test ni ma'am cheng... basta, nagustuhan ko ang bio. at yun nga pala... magkahawig sina ma'am cardenas at karina... hehe... para hindi makalimutan.
ang chem naman natin... si sir montales! masaya ang chem. sobra. medyo nag-alinlangan nga ako nung puro stoich yung topics natin eh. but when it came to quantum mechanics, periodic table and stuff... well... siguro dun ako nakilalang chem nerd. hehe. wah, ang lame ko pala mag-vanity mode. pero nag-enjoy ako talaga sa chem. naalala ko pa nung nagreport kami dun sa d-block elements... basta naalala ko, kasama ko dun sina kim at joel... may en sci pa, kung saan palagi akong natataasan ni jason somehow... no offense... hehe. pero yun nga, medyo special si ma'am andaya kasi siya yung kasama namin sa bangkok at montreal...
pero sa physics naman... hindi ako mahilig sa optics, pero mas naganahan ako nung light and EM waves na yung topic. and whenever i would get bored and/or sleepy, kakausapin ko yung mga taong nasa harap ko... sina kat at kim ata... naaalala ko pa yung pagddrawing ng water waves and stuff... tapos, snell's law, real images... etc.. hehe... fun times.
sa pehm... well... masaya naman ang PE... sir duliesco yun eh. miss ko na yung softball, at siguro basket, swimming na rin... masaya ang PE... kahit na nahihirapan ako sa mga sports minsan... tapos health... dun ko nakilala si ma'am balangue... na magiging adviser ko sa third year... tapos katabi ko pa sina kim at tobit nun... tapos music. wah, miss ko na rin yun. i'll get back to that later. naaalala ko pa rin yung pagpunta natin mula sa en sci papunta sa music. tapos math 3 to PE.
speaking of math... nasayahan rin ako sa mga math natin, kahit barely passing lang ako. dun ko natabihan si tobit... well... if that helped... well, of course masaya ang geom. si ma'am yu'hico yun eh. tapos, si ma'am orate naman... well... yung batch adviser natin. who can forget using the fishball method to make tusok-tusok the fishball? hehe.
meron pa tayong soc sci... well, alam niyo naman na si sir job... at ang kanyang... style of teaching.... tapos si ma'am anda pa, with all the val ed movies... tapos si ma'am allegria, sa art 2... miss ko na rin yun... malamig sa art room... ehehe... tapos Com Sci pa! Si sir javier... well... dun ako nagkaroon ng interest sa programming. and the rest is history.
masaya talaga ang sampa.
masaya ako na naging malapit tayo dahil kadalasang magkakasama tayong kumain. kahit dun sa sampa room, before art, o kaya naman sa caf or sa may gazebo, palagi tayong magkasama sa isang lugar. hindi ko kailangang mamroblema kung saan ako kakain kasi sigurado akong may pwesto ako kung saan pwede ako kumain. mahalaga talaga na, kahit for a few minutes lang araw-araw, na magkasama tayo.
hindi lang yun. malapit ang sampa sa akin kasi kayo ang kasama ko sa mga pagdurusa sa class requirements. dun sa katutubong sayaw, at sa paskorus... well... basta... special sa akin yun.
and, well, most of all, kasi sa sampa ko nakilala yung mga kaibigan at barkada ko ngayon. sana nga na nakilala ko kayo ng mas maaga, para mas marami akong time na naspend kasama niyo.
good luck sa ating lahat! sana mag-graduate tayo, at para kay carlo, dyane at neil, sana mag-graduate rin kayo. sigurado akong magkikita tayo ulit... if we want to see each other again, we would do everything to do so... so there is no reason to be sad. if anything, look forward to meeting new people and rediscovering other people, and making new friends, and keeping old friends.
thanks for the memories. i'll never forget them... they are important to me... i'll always treasure them...:D
I wish i could be sarcastic somehow... yun naman yung pagkakakilala nyo sa akin eh... oh well... hehe... i'll be sarcastic to be fun, and i'll try not too get carried away.
salamat sa mga kasama ko sa sampa octet/quartet... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayong kumanta. and i'm glad have friends in you. thank you for everything.
Sampa-7
hello! musta na? okay pa ba ang buhay? well... wala lang.
miss ko na ang garnet.
miss ko na yung mga earth sci classes natin, kung saan kasama ko si arianne... tapos, every lunch, kasama ko pa sina gippo at raffy. palagi kaming nasa 'farthest gazebo.' kasama pa namin si myk nun. tapos, sometimes, kasama kong magcommute pauwi sina gippo at raffy. sasamahan ko sila hanggang quezon ave, at minsan kumakain rin kami sa mcdo panay ave.
minsan, nagwawalkout-tayo sa english, kasi, yun nga, si sir ayende kasi. hehe. tapos nagbibigay pa siya ng mga kwento kung bakit hindi siya dumarating. naaalala ko pa yung IS natin, kung saan most of the time nakakatulog yung mga ka-table ko. hehe. tapos, yung mga list of terms pa na pinapahanap ni ma'am cristobal... having tech prep with sir javert, who eventually turned out to be our batch adviser... yung mga 3 or so teachers natin sa com sci - si ma'am lumanta, na pumunta sa japan, tapos si sir anton sepulveda, tapos si ma'am lody trajano, taga-MIS.
pero sinong makalilimot ng sayaw thing natin kung saan nagsuot kami ng duster? para sa valentines day ata yung thing na iyon. well, kahit na nakakahiya siya (in a fun way naman) medyo memorable pa rin sa akin yun. masaya naman yun eh. sana hindi natin makalimutan.
so, yun nga. sana pwede akong sumama sa garnet outing sa baguio. mukha namang papayagan ako... sana... kasi yun na yung last time na magkakasama tayo ulit. pero oh well.
sana mag-graduate tayo lahat. well, para kay myk at jamaica, sana mag-graduate rin sila sa mga school nila. alam ko na magkikita-kita tayo ulit, kahit na iba-iba ang tatahakin nating landas... so... don't worry... cheer up. malapit na matapos ang mga paghihirap natin sa fourth year, and pagkatapos nun, may time pa tayo para ma-enjoy ang isa't-isa. pero yun nga, sana naasikaso yung mga requirements para naman mag-graduate. hehe.
good luck sa ating lahat.
...hindi na tayo close, katulad ng dati, pero hindi ako ever nagsisi na garnet ako. masaya ako na kayo ang naging kasama ko, para naman maka-adjust ako sa pisay life. para naman hindi ako mag-loner or something. sorry dun sa mga nahurt ko, or kung ever may "kagalit" ako, or kung may kinaiinisan kayo sa akin... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayo. sana ganun rin ang naramdaman niyo.
Garnet-11
Today was a very special day - it was the day which would decide if i would be a doctor in 7 years or more.
We commuted all the way to the UP College of Medicine, from the Pedro Gil station of LRT-1, and went to the Admissions Office in the College of Medicine building. Surprisingly, Neil (Esguerra) was also there, for his interview as well... well, anyway, let me get started.
You're going to be given a paper with 10 sort-of essay questions... stuff like, do you have any achievements, extra-curricular activities, and what you would want to say to "persuade" the ADCOM to approve your admission... no problem about that. Just remember to have brought a ballpen beforehand.
Then you would have to wait for a while, until it is your turn to be interviewed.
Don't worry. The interview is not really that demanding... at least, for me. The interviewer will just ask you questions about your family, life at school, coping with grades and relationships, how hard it is to be a doctor, stuff like that. Don't be pressured. Try to make a good job of "selling yourself" - they are looking for dedicated students who will not leave the country to study in some university overseas... but then, after the intarmed program, you wouldn't really study in some foreign university, because you would already be working in a hospital by that time.
The main point of the interview is to examine, through your history in high school and elementary, how well you would do as a doctor. So if you're not that serious with it, it would be difficult to feign interest.
Just relax... And you'll be fine...:D
P.S. I don't want to comment about the prom, but this comment itself betrays this purpose, so anyway... For the record... most of us did enjoy the prom... even though there were many... technical difficulties. What touched me most was that the opportunity to dance was able to reunite some people and help fix relationships and make them stronger, even if only for a few hours' time.
I sincerely hope the grad ball turns out to be like that, or most certainly better and more memorable. And I hope there really was some way people like mike could come. They are, after all, batch '08.
I wish that people would stop misunderstanding what other people say. This is were most problems are rooted in...
At first glance, Dickens’ novel, A Tale of Two Cities, is quite a chore to read. It was the style of writers in his time to write wordy novels, for their wage was based on it. After finishing the story to the end, though, I appreciate having read it.
It was the story of Sydney Carton which had affected me the most. He is not the major protagonist of the story; rather, the dual nature present between him and his complement, Charles Darnay, is one of the main themes of the story. He does not seem to be as decent or respectable like Darnay is, and he even says so himself. He deems himself unworthy of Lucie’s love, and chooses to hide in obscurity, willing to do anything for her. In the end, he is able to do so, and he takes the place of Darnay when he is to be executed on the guillotine. He was able to make the ultimate sacrifice for the person he loves, only for her to be happy in the arms of another man, and his complement, of all the men in the world. That is indeed a most profound expression of love, and I admire Carton for being able to perform such a selfless act.
I honestly wish that I would be able to give my life for the persons I treasure most. Even if I would lose my life, I would rest in peace knowing that my sacrifice was worth it. I know that my sacrifice – and I, myself – would never be forgotten. I only hope that my sacrifice would not make them sad for me.
This post is addressed to someone. So, please, if you are not that person (which I suppose you would know full well), then please do not talk to me about it or say anything. You are welcome to browse my thoughts, for it is the internet, but please do understand the context in which this was made. I seriously mean that. I am going to use the word 'love', to refer to a guy, to my friend. So, do not be an immature person and do NOT get the wrong idea (I mean it.)
Now let me start.
I make this post today because I needed to express a lot of things to you. I cannot find myself the will to speak freely in front of you... I know you would listen, but your voice... it intimidates me... whatever i have made up my mind to say, I cannot speak of it when you are finally with me. I know that this might seem too public, but I do not... care. All I know is, I must express the things in my heart, to let the pain go.
You say that you cannot see what my efforts produce. I do not blame you for that, for my efforts are concerned with self-discipline and self-restraint. So, now, I show you what I do.
Every day, at morning, I try to be happy. I do not want my family to worry about me, yet sometimes I fail at that and release some of the tension in me on to them. But I consciously try not to do that.
When I get to school, you people are there. I try to smile, I put any expression on my face that is not a frown, just to make sure that nobody notices the pain I feel because of what transpires between us. And then classes would begin.
Soon enough I would meet Eda, one of my close friends. In the past, I would have told her immediately that I had a problem, that something happened between us again. That is a consequence of our friendship, actually - I trust her. Now, I do not. I try my best to be happy - or at least not sad or problematic - when I am with her. She has enough problems on her own, and unlike before, I would rather smile and pretend everything is ok, rather than have her be sorry for me and try to console me. Now, I would try to console her instead.
I smile, or at least try to, for I find it difficult to actually smile, when I am with my friends and classmates in Gluon. Instead of telling Cla I have a problem again, or walking out on Chuck and Dandy, my STR group mates because I am in pain, or taking it out on Broño, I try my best to be a functional member of Gluon. I command myself not to confide in anyone, I try my best to hide the pain I feel inside. I command myself, "nobody must know the pain I feel. I must be a good friend and person to them, even though I am in pain."
There is also Nicoli... What part does he play in this? He is, in a way, some sort of conscience to me. He is there to remind me to not obsess on you, and to remind me that you are not the only person in my world. When he asks me to accompany him, immediately thoughts flash in my mind of the time i could have spent talking to you about this. But I choose to accompany him, not only because I want to change myself, but because he is a friend to me, because I have no reason not to, and because I cannot just say no just because I want to talk to you. He is more to me than a device to make me behave... he is a friend to me as well...
Then it eventually comes that we would see each other again. I restrain myself from sticking to you. I admit that sometimes you do not see that happen, but at any rate, that is what I will do. I know that you feel irritated and, as you say it, saturated, and I do not force myself upon you anymore. I just try to be with you, try to have pleasant conversation with you. And if you have something to do, or, whatever it is, be it even an excuse to get away from me, I do not follow you anymore... All I can do is say goodbye, and wait for you to say the same... When you do, I feel that things are at peace between us, and I am content.
Please understand that I can't just not talk to you for a day, or a week, or a month, or forever. Instead of ignoring you altogether, I try to be fun. I try to make pleasant conversation. I try my best to rid myself of the habits that ruined our friendship. As I understand it, that is what I need to stop... not talking to you, but the things that I do that ruin the friendship we had. I am capable of distinguishing these, and restraining myself from doing so. Sometimes, I admit, I fail to do so, and I am sorry. But please do understand that I have always had good intentions in heart...
As I said earlier, I cannot blame you for being unable to see any form of change, for all of this takes place in my mind. I cannot just put a big sign post on my head and say on it that I am trying to change myself, for openly advertising that defeats the purpose of changing myself in the first place. I do not change myself only to find favor with you again, to be a better person worth more; I do this to fix our friendship, and to be a better friend to you and to my other friends.
I know that, in spite of all the efforts I have stated here, reality is very different. Whatever idealized picture I paint with my words, you would not believe, for you could not see. Sometimes I am in tears on my bed, fearing the fact that whatever we do, we cannot restore our friendship to the way it was before, unless if we were to somehow forget everything that ever happened between us. I know you see me whining about the pain I feel... I am sorry for that, but please, do not expect me to hold my feelings back and just bear them... I can do that, but when it comes to the time that I do need to express it to you, please do not be irritated. I know that when you have long talks with me, you hate it. You do it for me only because you are a friend to me. I thank you...
My words may seem empty, but I do understand. I do understand, somehow, the pain you feel when I am suffocating you. When I follow you everywhere, creep you out... I understand how worthless I am because of the things I did. Yet you tolerated me, and everything I did, believing in me that I was doing something to fix things. I know that I am worse and more pathetic than any of the people you've met... I know that, were you not caring for me at all, you would have left me a long time ago. I know the pain you feel... Yet, you do not understand mine. You act as though you do not care about the pains I keep whining about. Well, it is difficult for me, too. It is difficult to be happy, knowing full well that the person you love is miserable when with you; that the person you love prefers to not be with you; that whatever you do, things would never be back to the way they were once before. Please understand that.
My love for you before was confused... I was caught up in the whole feeling of being so happy, to have someone who cares for me in such a special way, that I ended up obsessed with you. But I am trying to change that. My love for you is pure now... deep and profound... Instead of pining for you and obsessing about you, I should be able to live when you are not there. It would be ok for me if I was unable to meet you or talk to you one day, for I know that you still love me, and that I still love you. It would be ok for me to part from you, to do things that are difficult because I cannot be with you, to be separated from you when it would be an otherwise happy time, because I know in my heart that we have true love for each other, as friends, and nothing more. Instead of wanting to spend time with you, I am content even if I do not get time to talk to you. Instead of being an obsession that consumes my everything, you are an inspiration to me, which makes me strive to do better in the things I do. You bring me closer to God, and you made me realize that I was worth something. I was broken... and you were the one who picked me up, and tried to fix me...
In spite of all of this, you said it yourself - you can live without this friendship. Well, as I said, I cannot. That is where our differences stem from... Yet, even though you can live without this friendship, you still are willing to hold on to it, and do what you can to fix it. Even though you could live without me, and all the stuff I do, still you decided to fix our friendship, and not discard it. Thank you... Thank you so much.
I hope that our solution works. I hope that, eventually, our friendship would be restored to what it was before. I have nothing to fear, or be sad about anymore, for I know that you are doing whatever it is you do, may it hurt me or not, because you want to fix this friendship... Thank you.
Oh. And sorry for making it so very long.