So there. I would post pictures but as it turns out... most of them are blurry. Mali kasi pagkakuha eh... So sa graduation na lang i suppose... :( So... well... I'll just get to work on grad pics... Thanks to the people who gave me a copy even when I hadn't made one for them yet. Kayo na yung uunahin ko.. haha:D
There are already results for the interviews to the Intarmed program... you can go check it out at Jimpo's multiply. If the photo is too dark, I've made a list of those who were accepted, from Pisay (I went there myself earlier. You can go to the Admissions office in the UP College of Medicine):
Alcantara, Krizelle
Bartilad, Kathrin
Berba, Jimpo
Borlongan, Gabriel
Bromeo, Albert
De Castro, Ellie
De Castro, Marla
De Leon, Joseph
Dealino, Angel
Dela Cruz, Honey
Dimaandal, Ian
Esguerra, Givette
Fuentes, Vien
Gamo, Ica
Lanuza, Stephanie
Manzanilla, Paulo
Mariano, Jestine
Nacianceno, Patricia
Nepomuceno, Precious
Pangan, Bab
Santos, Karina
Tan, Zimri
Congratulations to us! :)
You have to go to the Admissions Office again and get the Form of Confirmation/Regrets. This is to confirm your slot in intarmed... so... it's time to choose, for the last time. Well, whatever you choose, choose whatever makes you truly happy. :D For those who do choose intarmed... well.. I look forward to seeing you guys. And... well... since we'll be stuck together for seven years, or at least six... I hope to get to know you better:D
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
The memorable things were Kim's birthday... I was able to give him something special... And there was also the diorama for English...
It took up the whole week, and it was exhausting and tiring, but it was fulfilling and fun in the end... The whole week we were busy practicing and setting up the place. We gathered leaves and carpeted the floor with them. We gathered pebbles and rocks to mark paths. We gathered the planks commonly used to provide a higher surface when it rains to make a wooden floor. We gathered plants to complete the feel and make it look like an actual forest. We used tarps as backgrounds. the only disadvantage was that they smelled bad. We brought lamps for lighting effects, hay for the barn, posts and ropes to serve as fences, a gun for killing, and even fake blood made out of corn syrup for brawls.
And then the day came. After 4 or so days of intense preparation, the day had come. We had made three shows that day - the first one was for Sir Arghs, the second for teachers, and the third for Ma'am Oblepias and our batchmates - I mean, for ourselves, because that was the last full show we ever made...
The shows were slightly different because we had different levels of energy for each of the shows. But they were all okay. That first show was so magical... It was most fulfilling to see for the first time in its entirety how beautiful Tami's production was. Well, after another two shows, the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility would kick in and we would be used to the same lines over and over again. But it was still just as fun and fulfilling the third time as it was the first.
During the first show, we were all enthralled by how beautiful it turned out to be. People were saying I was great in my role; I'm glad that they thought that. Kuya Adam always said that we had to be our characters and not play their roles. People said that my portrayal of Lennie was very close to what they knew me to be... like I wasn't really pretending to be someone else because it was natural for me to be like that. Well, I'm glad they appreciated it. My partner in the scene was Joseph. and he developed a good southern accent... He was able to speak well in the accent, and he did great in his role also. People were congratulating us for a job well done. The only problem was that we could not see any other scene being performed because the audience was in the way... But then again, we were supposed to be frozen still...
Everyone was so good it being who they were that afternoon. Non was simply perfect as Curley. Noel was excellent in portraying Lennie being beaten up by, and subsequently beating up Curley, and when George was consoling him. Max and EJ fit their roles very well also. And then there were Chak and Mittsu... Chak did a great job with the struggling scene and his voice fit very well with his mood. Mittsu had a great voice for Curley's wife, and it was easy for her to grasp the accent. Both of them performed very well in the struggle scene in which Lennie accidentally killed Curley's wife... They got the timing right every time... It's a pity that of all people both of them were unable to watch the final scene, because Chak was supposed to run outside after and Mittsu was supposed to play dead... it's ironic...
The climax of the plot was the part where George, portrayed by Tami, killed Lennie who was portrayed by Neil. It never failed to make people cry... Even for ourselves, who have watched the scene over and over again for three times, would always feel sad and be teary-eyed and be touched by this scene... The music is beautiful and it fits perfectly with the scene... Tami's voice shook perfectly, really making the audience symphatize, and Neil looked helpless and innocent... and then it came... The sudden loudness of the gunshot never failed to surprise people... In the first show, the gun had misfired, but Neil caught it perfectly, repeating his last line until he was shot in the middle of it... It touched my heart...
The line that touched me most...
"I thought you was mad at me, George."
"I ain't mad, Lennie. I never was. And that's a thing... I want you to know..."
We got a grade of 1.0 for that presentation... It was very special...
All this week I've been sad/miserable because I've had problems... But thanks to Gluon, I wasn't really that problematic... Even though I'm not close with most of them, they're still fun to be with... Thanks, guys...:D
Right now... I'm okay. I'm happy... Happier than before for the relatively new friends I have... and the happiness that my friends have... Not as happy because some of my friends have problems... But I'll still be happy... I'll never give up...
Looking forward to the future xP...
The start of something new
let me start by saying... thank you.
thanks for all the memories, gluon... i mean... masaya ako na nag-exert tayo ng effort sa lahat ng mga class thingies natin... naiintindihan ko na mahirap rin ang paghahandle ng mga class requirements sa mga leaders... pero i really appreciate the efforts we have made... alam kong close ang gluon dahil dun... palagi tayong united when it comes to these things... like gluons, we are the mediators of the strong force, which binds us together (weh physics talk.)
masaya ako sa gluon kasi marami akong friends dito... marami akong bagong friends na nakilala, at sila yung mga kasama ko sa fourth year, ang pinakamahalagang year ng buhay ko so far... sila yung mga karamay ko sa mga paghihirap ng fourth year... and masaya ako na sila yung kasama ko...
salamat sa inyo, clarisse at eda... i'm glad that you were there, when i needed someone to talk to. thank you for trusting me as well...
pati rin ikaw, chuck, salamat rin sayo... salamat para sa tulong mo with, well, the gift thing... tapos yung str rin... thanks for not losing your patience... happy birthday ulit... sana nasayahan ka naman ngayon, kahit papaano... hehe.:D
salamat kina kim at jay, for the jokes... as i said, they always made me laugh... hehe...
kina sarah at mittsu, for... ewan, basta, salamat...
kina max, neil and monmon... for magic...
kay clariza... for the prom thing...
kay tami... thanks for all your efforts for gluon... sorry kung minsan naiinis ka sa amin... salamat para sa mga outing at overnight sa bahay nyo...
kina givette at cha... for legacy! hehe...
kay noel, para sa mga jokes and stuff niya... he always has a way of cheering up people... whether it be the jokes on the phone, or corny jokes, salamat... thanks for being there...
kay crisby... naging medyo kilala rin kita... i'm glad to have you as a friend as well...
and, kung hindi man kita namention in person... ito na...
sa gluon... neil, chuck, noel, broño, EJ, JBL, james, jay, dandy, max, monmon, non, crisby, joseph, desa, cha, chanchan, givette, sarah, eda, cla, lara, tami, kim, mittsu, clariza, hannah, rose ann, at ma'am cion... thank you!... thanks so much for making gluon so special... buti na lang masaya ang last year ko sa pisay... thanks...
sana mag-graduate tayo lahat...! at sana magkita tayo ulit somehow... well... mamimiss ko kayo... pero, yun nga, sigurado naman akong magkikita tayo ulit... kahit na sa ibang bansa kayo mag-aral... san man kayo mapunta, good luck na lang, at sana masayahan kayo sa buhay.
PM
Gluon-11
hello! musta na!...
first of all... gusto kong magsorry... kasi, para sa akin... ginastos ko yung third year ko with sampa and not you guys. so... sorry... pero masaya naman ako na sinamahan niyo naman ako sa mga outing and stuff. nandun kayo para sa akin kung kailan nagdurusa ako sa mga problema. well, not really for me, pero, yun nga, masaya rin ako na, kung medyo problemado ako, some of you people bothered to say stuff like "ok lang yan..." those words really mean a lot to me...
masaya ako na marami ring akong nakilalang bago sa sodium... nakilala ko ng husto si vien, na hindi ko ganun ka-kilala sa sampa, pati si kat rin, at si gama... tapos, nakilala ko rin yung mga jade prime people... sina clariza at janella, sina bab at nizzy, sina claridge at dea (my promdate sa first prom natin), sina zim at jean... tapos, sina eljon at olav at ste, sina broño, esge at cha... si chard, yung str groupmate ko... tapos si steph... well... nakilala ko si steph dahil kay tobit.... and that was how our friendship started...
gusto kong magpasalamat sa sodium, kasi nandun sila, hindi naman para sa akin, pero, nandun pa rin sila sa mga panahon ng paghihirap. lalo na sina eljon at olav, sina jay, vien at gama, at steph... salamat sa inyo kasi in one way or the other medyo natulungan niyo akong mag-cope with... well... you know. hindi ako nagsisisi na sodium ako, kahit na hindi ko kaklase yung mga close friends ko, kasi nakahanap ako ng mga bagong kaibigan...
thanks for being there... it really meant a lot... thanks...
...looking forward to the next sodium outing:D sana naman mag-graduate tayo lahat. good luck sa atin!
Na-11
well...
special ang sampa sa akin. naalala ko pa nung first day ko, kung saan ang mga kakilala ko lang ay ang mga dati kong kaklase sa garnet. tapos, yun, kilala ko rin ng onti si tobit... not as a person, pero, well, sa mga achievements niya and stuff... tapos, nakilala ko rin si kim nun, dun sa activity kung saan pinapadescribe sayo yung seatmate mo. first day yun. hehe... sabi ko monkey siya... tapos sabi niya gorilla ako... well, hindi ko pa siya kilala nun.
usually, ang kasama ko sa sampa noon ay si serl, when he was less emotional. naalala ko yung group namin sa bio, kasama namin si jepoy. may dalawang teachers tayo for bio - yung mga advisers natin... hindi ko na naaalala kung paano magturo si ma'am cardenas... pero alam kong mahirap yung mga long tests niya... tapos si ma'am cheng naman, gumagamit ng mga illustrations sa acetate. pero hindi rin madali ang mga long test ni ma'am cheng... basta, nagustuhan ko ang bio. at yun nga pala... magkahawig sina ma'am cardenas at karina... hehe... para hindi makalimutan.
ang chem naman natin... si sir montales! masaya ang chem. sobra. medyo nag-alinlangan nga ako nung puro stoich yung topics natin eh. but when it came to quantum mechanics, periodic table and stuff... well... siguro dun ako nakilalang chem nerd. hehe. wah, ang lame ko pala mag-vanity mode. pero nag-enjoy ako talaga sa chem. naalala ko pa nung nagreport kami dun sa d-block elements... basta naalala ko, kasama ko dun sina kim at joel... may en sci pa, kung saan palagi akong natataasan ni jason somehow... no offense... hehe. pero yun nga, medyo special si ma'am andaya kasi siya yung kasama namin sa bangkok at montreal...
pero sa physics naman... hindi ako mahilig sa optics, pero mas naganahan ako nung light and EM waves na yung topic. and whenever i would get bored and/or sleepy, kakausapin ko yung mga taong nasa harap ko... sina kat at kim ata... naaalala ko pa yung pagddrawing ng water waves and stuff... tapos, snell's law, real images... etc.. hehe... fun times.
sa pehm... well... masaya naman ang PE... sir duliesco yun eh. miss ko na yung softball, at siguro basket, swimming na rin... masaya ang PE... kahit na nahihirapan ako sa mga sports minsan... tapos health... dun ko nakilala si ma'am balangue... na magiging adviser ko sa third year... tapos katabi ko pa sina kim at tobit nun... tapos music. wah, miss ko na rin yun. i'll get back to that later. naaalala ko pa rin yung pagpunta natin mula sa en sci papunta sa music. tapos math 3 to PE.
speaking of math... nasayahan rin ako sa mga math natin, kahit barely passing lang ako. dun ko natabihan si tobit... well... if that helped... well, of course masaya ang geom. si ma'am yu'hico yun eh. tapos, si ma'am orate naman... well... yung batch adviser natin. who can forget using the fishball method to make tusok-tusok the fishball? hehe.
meron pa tayong soc sci... well, alam niyo naman na si sir job... at ang kanyang... style of teaching.... tapos si ma'am anda pa, with all the val ed movies... tapos si ma'am allegria, sa art 2... miss ko na rin yun... malamig sa art room... ehehe... tapos Com Sci pa! Si sir javier... well... dun ako nagkaroon ng interest sa programming. and the rest is history.
masaya talaga ang sampa.
masaya ako na naging malapit tayo dahil kadalasang magkakasama tayong kumain. kahit dun sa sampa room, before art, o kaya naman sa caf or sa may gazebo, palagi tayong magkasama sa isang lugar. hindi ko kailangang mamroblema kung saan ako kakain kasi sigurado akong may pwesto ako kung saan pwede ako kumain. mahalaga talaga na, kahit for a few minutes lang araw-araw, na magkasama tayo.
hindi lang yun. malapit ang sampa sa akin kasi kayo ang kasama ko sa mga pagdurusa sa class requirements. dun sa katutubong sayaw, at sa paskorus... well... basta... special sa akin yun.
and, well, most of all, kasi sa sampa ko nakilala yung mga kaibigan at barkada ko ngayon. sana nga na nakilala ko kayo ng mas maaga, para mas marami akong time na naspend kasama niyo.
good luck sa ating lahat! sana mag-graduate tayo, at para kay carlo, dyane at neil, sana mag-graduate rin kayo. sigurado akong magkikita tayo ulit... if we want to see each other again, we would do everything to do so... so there is no reason to be sad. if anything, look forward to meeting new people and rediscovering other people, and making new friends, and keeping old friends.
thanks for the memories. i'll never forget them... they are important to me... i'll always treasure them...:D
I wish i could be sarcastic somehow... yun naman yung pagkakakilala nyo sa akin eh... oh well... hehe... i'll be sarcastic to be fun, and i'll try not too get carried away.
salamat sa mga kasama ko sa sampa octet/quartet... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayong kumanta. and i'm glad have friends in you. thank you for everything.
Sampa-7
hello! musta na? okay pa ba ang buhay? well... wala lang.
miss ko na ang garnet.
miss ko na yung mga earth sci classes natin, kung saan kasama ko si arianne... tapos, every lunch, kasama ko pa sina gippo at raffy. palagi kaming nasa 'farthest gazebo.' kasama pa namin si myk nun. tapos, sometimes, kasama kong magcommute pauwi sina gippo at raffy. sasamahan ko sila hanggang quezon ave, at minsan kumakain rin kami sa mcdo panay ave.
minsan, nagwawalkout-tayo sa english, kasi, yun nga, si sir ayende kasi. hehe. tapos nagbibigay pa siya ng mga kwento kung bakit hindi siya dumarating. naaalala ko pa yung IS natin, kung saan most of the time nakakatulog yung mga ka-table ko. hehe. tapos, yung mga list of terms pa na pinapahanap ni ma'am cristobal... having tech prep with sir javert, who eventually turned out to be our batch adviser... yung mga 3 or so teachers natin sa com sci - si ma'am lumanta, na pumunta sa japan, tapos si sir anton sepulveda, tapos si ma'am lody trajano, taga-MIS.
pero sinong makalilimot ng sayaw thing natin kung saan nagsuot kami ng duster? para sa valentines day ata yung thing na iyon. well, kahit na nakakahiya siya (in a fun way naman) medyo memorable pa rin sa akin yun. masaya naman yun eh. sana hindi natin makalimutan.
so, yun nga. sana pwede akong sumama sa garnet outing sa baguio. mukha namang papayagan ako... sana... kasi yun na yung last time na magkakasama tayo ulit. pero oh well.
sana mag-graduate tayo lahat. well, para kay myk at jamaica, sana mag-graduate rin sila sa mga school nila. alam ko na magkikita-kita tayo ulit, kahit na iba-iba ang tatahakin nating landas... so... don't worry... cheer up. malapit na matapos ang mga paghihirap natin sa fourth year, and pagkatapos nun, may time pa tayo para ma-enjoy ang isa't-isa. pero yun nga, sana naasikaso yung mga requirements para naman mag-graduate. hehe.
good luck sa ating lahat.
...hindi na tayo close, katulad ng dati, pero hindi ako ever nagsisi na garnet ako. masaya ako na kayo ang naging kasama ko, para naman maka-adjust ako sa pisay life. para naman hindi ako mag-loner or something. sorry dun sa mga nahurt ko, or kung ever may "kagalit" ako, or kung may kinaiinisan kayo sa akin... masaya ako na nakasama ko kayo. sana ganun rin ang naramdaman niyo.
Garnet-11
Today was a very special day - it was the day which would decide if i would be a doctor in 7 years or more.
We commuted all the way to the UP College of Medicine, from the Pedro Gil station of LRT-1, and went to the Admissions Office in the College of Medicine building. Surprisingly, Neil (Esguerra) was also there, for his interview as well... well, anyway, let me get started.
You're going to be given a paper with 10 sort-of essay questions... stuff like, do you have any achievements, extra-curricular activities, and what you would want to say to "persuade" the ADCOM to approve your admission... no problem about that. Just remember to have brought a ballpen beforehand.
Then you would have to wait for a while, until it is your turn to be interviewed.
Don't worry. The interview is not really that demanding... at least, for me. The interviewer will just ask you questions about your family, life at school, coping with grades and relationships, how hard it is to be a doctor, stuff like that. Don't be pressured. Try to make a good job of "selling yourself" - they are looking for dedicated students who will not leave the country to study in some university overseas... but then, after the intarmed program, you wouldn't really study in some foreign university, because you would already be working in a hospital by that time.
The main point of the interview is to examine, through your history in high school and elementary, how well you would do as a doctor. So if you're not that serious with it, it would be difficult to feign interest.
Just relax... And you'll be fine...:D
P.S. I don't want to comment about the prom, but this comment itself betrays this purpose, so anyway... For the record... most of us did enjoy the prom... even though there were many... technical difficulties. What touched me most was that the opportunity to dance was able to reunite some people and help fix relationships and make them stronger, even if only for a few hours' time.
I sincerely hope the grad ball turns out to be like that, or most certainly better and more memorable. And I hope there really was some way people like mike could come. They are, after all, batch '08.
I wish that people would stop misunderstanding what other people say. This is were most problems are rooted in...
At first glance, Dickens’ novel, A Tale of Two Cities, is quite a chore to read. It was the style of writers in his time to write wordy novels, for their wage was based on it. After finishing the story to the end, though, I appreciate having read it.
It was the story of Sydney Carton which had affected me the most. He is not the major protagonist of the story; rather, the dual nature present between him and his complement, Charles Darnay, is one of the main themes of the story. He does not seem to be as decent or respectable like Darnay is, and he even says so himself. He deems himself unworthy of Lucie’s love, and chooses to hide in obscurity, willing to do anything for her. In the end, he is able to do so, and he takes the place of Darnay when he is to be executed on the guillotine. He was able to make the ultimate sacrifice for the person he loves, only for her to be happy in the arms of another man, and his complement, of all the men in the world. That is indeed a most profound expression of love, and I admire Carton for being able to perform such a selfless act.
I honestly wish that I would be able to give my life for the persons I treasure most. Even if I would lose my life, I would rest in peace knowing that my sacrifice was worth it. I know that my sacrifice – and I, myself – would never be forgotten. I only hope that my sacrifice would not make them sad for me.
This post is addressed to someone. So, please, if you are not that person (which I suppose you would know full well), then please do not talk to me about it or say anything. You are welcome to browse my thoughts, for it is the internet, but please do understand the context in which this was made. I seriously mean that. I am going to use the word 'love', to refer to a guy, to my friend. So, do not be an immature person and do NOT get the wrong idea (I mean it.)
Now let me start.
I make this post today because I needed to express a lot of things to you. I cannot find myself the will to speak freely in front of you... I know you would listen, but your voice... it intimidates me... whatever i have made up my mind to say, I cannot speak of it when you are finally with me. I know that this might seem too public, but I do not... care. All I know is, I must express the things in my heart, to let the pain go.
You say that you cannot see what my efforts produce. I do not blame you for that, for my efforts are concerned with self-discipline and self-restraint. So, now, I show you what I do.
Every day, at morning, I try to be happy. I do not want my family to worry about me, yet sometimes I fail at that and release some of the tension in me on to them. But I consciously try not to do that.
When I get to school, you people are there. I try to smile, I put any expression on my face that is not a frown, just to make sure that nobody notices the pain I feel because of what transpires between us. And then classes would begin.
Soon enough I would meet Eda, one of my close friends. In the past, I would have told her immediately that I had a problem, that something happened between us again. That is a consequence of our friendship, actually - I trust her. Now, I do not. I try my best to be happy - or at least not sad or problematic - when I am with her. She has enough problems on her own, and unlike before, I would rather smile and pretend everything is ok, rather than have her be sorry for me and try to console me. Now, I would try to console her instead.
I smile, or at least try to, for I find it difficult to actually smile, when I am with my friends and classmates in Gluon. Instead of telling Cla I have a problem again, or walking out on Chuck and Dandy, my STR group mates because I am in pain, or taking it out on Broño, I try my best to be a functional member of Gluon. I command myself not to confide in anyone, I try my best to hide the pain I feel inside. I command myself, "nobody must know the pain I feel. I must be a good friend and person to them, even though I am in pain."
There is also Nicoli... What part does he play in this? He is, in a way, some sort of conscience to me. He is there to remind me to not obsess on you, and to remind me that you are not the only person in my world. When he asks me to accompany him, immediately thoughts flash in my mind of the time i could have spent talking to you about this. But I choose to accompany him, not only because I want to change myself, but because he is a friend to me, because I have no reason not to, and because I cannot just say no just because I want to talk to you. He is more to me than a device to make me behave... he is a friend to me as well...
Then it eventually comes that we would see each other again. I restrain myself from sticking to you. I admit that sometimes you do not see that happen, but at any rate, that is what I will do. I know that you feel irritated and, as you say it, saturated, and I do not force myself upon you anymore. I just try to be with you, try to have pleasant conversation with you. And if you have something to do, or, whatever it is, be it even an excuse to get away from me, I do not follow you anymore... All I can do is say goodbye, and wait for you to say the same... When you do, I feel that things are at peace between us, and I am content.
Please understand that I can't just not talk to you for a day, or a week, or a month, or forever. Instead of ignoring you altogether, I try to be fun. I try to make pleasant conversation. I try my best to rid myself of the habits that ruined our friendship. As I understand it, that is what I need to stop... not talking to you, but the things that I do that ruin the friendship we had. I am capable of distinguishing these, and restraining myself from doing so. Sometimes, I admit, I fail to do so, and I am sorry. But please do understand that I have always had good intentions in heart...
As I said earlier, I cannot blame you for being unable to see any form of change, for all of this takes place in my mind. I cannot just put a big sign post on my head and say on it that I am trying to change myself, for openly advertising that defeats the purpose of changing myself in the first place. I do not change myself only to find favor with you again, to be a better person worth more; I do this to fix our friendship, and to be a better friend to you and to my other friends.
I know that, in spite of all the efforts I have stated here, reality is very different. Whatever idealized picture I paint with my words, you would not believe, for you could not see. Sometimes I am in tears on my bed, fearing the fact that whatever we do, we cannot restore our friendship to the way it was before, unless if we were to somehow forget everything that ever happened between us. I know you see me whining about the pain I feel... I am sorry for that, but please, do not expect me to hold my feelings back and just bear them... I can do that, but when it comes to the time that I do need to express it to you, please do not be irritated. I know that when you have long talks with me, you hate it. You do it for me only because you are a friend to me. I thank you...
My words may seem empty, but I do understand. I do understand, somehow, the pain you feel when I am suffocating you. When I follow you everywhere, creep you out... I understand how worthless I am because of the things I did. Yet you tolerated me, and everything I did, believing in me that I was doing something to fix things. I know that I am worse and more pathetic than any of the people you've met... I know that, were you not caring for me at all, you would have left me a long time ago. I know the pain you feel... Yet, you do not understand mine. You act as though you do not care about the pains I keep whining about. Well, it is difficult for me, too. It is difficult to be happy, knowing full well that the person you love is miserable when with you; that the person you love prefers to not be with you; that whatever you do, things would never be back to the way they were once before. Please understand that.
My love for you before was confused... I was caught up in the whole feeling of being so happy, to have someone who cares for me in such a special way, that I ended up obsessed with you. But I am trying to change that. My love for you is pure now... deep and profound... Instead of pining for you and obsessing about you, I should be able to live when you are not there. It would be ok for me if I was unable to meet you or talk to you one day, for I know that you still love me, and that I still love you. It would be ok for me to part from you, to do things that are difficult because I cannot be with you, to be separated from you when it would be an otherwise happy time, because I know in my heart that we have true love for each other, as friends, and nothing more. Instead of wanting to spend time with you, I am content even if I do not get time to talk to you. Instead of being an obsession that consumes my everything, you are an inspiration to me, which makes me strive to do better in the things I do. You bring me closer to God, and you made me realize that I was worth something. I was broken... and you were the one who picked me up, and tried to fix me...
In spite of all of this, you said it yourself - you can live without this friendship. Well, as I said, I cannot. That is where our differences stem from... Yet, even though you can live without this friendship, you still are willing to hold on to it, and do what you can to fix it. Even though you could live without me, and all the stuff I do, still you decided to fix our friendship, and not discard it. Thank you... Thank you so much.
I hope that our solution works. I hope that, eventually, our friendship would be restored to what it was before. I have nothing to fear, or be sad about anymore, for I know that you are doing whatever it is you do, may it hurt me or not, because you want to fix this friendship... Thank you.
Oh. And sorry for making it so very long.
Day One
It all started on Friday. After the lengthy closing ceremony, and after about two or three hours of preparing for the trip, we were finally on board and on the way there. On the way we were watching mindless brainwashing programs meant for children - Blue's Clues and Dora the Explorer... But then again, I suppose I would prefer that to Wowowee... which is even more mindless... Anyway, we got there in the late afternoon. It was already dusk when we prepared our tents, and by the time night had fallen, we were waiting for food to be delivered. While I had already eaten some dinner of my own, I would eat again, of course. That day was mostly uneventful... except for the treasure hunt!...
Well, like the math treasure hunts, we were given a string of clues that would lead to our next destinations. I'm proud to have been able to obtain a clue for our company (that is, Delta 1 + 2.) It was a very tiring experience, running all over the place, trying to get to the next destination as fast as possible... After that long and tiring experience, we had to sit down and plan our meals for the days ahead...
The night was... well.. eventful in my tent. We were... talking about "stuff"... Well, I can't really talk about it, but it really was fun... Thanks, guys...
Day Two
Because of our "talk" in the early morning, I barely slept... for only thirty minutes or so. Still, I was able to wake up at 4 am, which was what I planned. I tried to take a bath, but there was already a line of people waiting by the time I got there. After waking my friends, I was just waiting for the foodstuffs to come.
Our breakfast was champorado. While some of our platoon-mates do know how to cook, we were pretty much noobs when it came to making a fire. Ah, Lost in Blue makes it look so easy. It took us a long time to get a fire going, and an even longer time to cook our food. But it was worth the wait. The champorado tasted good. Only problem was, it was about 9 am when we started eating... So, after preparing the ingredients for lunch - tinola - we went boating.
Boating was fun. At first, I really was scared of simply boarding the boat, as though the water and the boat were incapable of supporting my weight. But I did find myself on it, and I had a lot of fun. After doing the "task", in which we were made to go around a number of buoys in the lagoon, we had some free time to go our own way. While we rowed, some of the other groups splashed us... But still it was fun...
After that, we went back to camp and tried to cook tinola. Well, it did taste good, and there was the distinct smoked taste produced by the combustion of charcoal. Problem was, due to the limited number of utensils that we had, we had to prepare two servings at a time. Not all of us were able to eat lunch... But I was able to...
Paintball was next. It was all we wanted it to be - and more! It is a shame that i got knocked out pretty early... If I had some funny or exciting story, I'd share, but I don't... I was, well, trying to sneak through an enemy... and I was shot down... But, oh well... We won! I mean... at least we think we did...
After paintball, we went back to camp.... except for me, because I foolishly left my phone at the paintball site, and had to go back all the way to the site, and back again. While the rest of the battalion (military term for batch) was out swimming, we were unable to swim at all... because the pool would already be closing by the time we got back.
So instead, I got started on cooking our dinner... which was pork steak. After having washed the pork, I was tasked to heat it, because it looked... wrong... After a long time, we finally got around to marinating it. While the others were preparing the fire, I was busy marinating it, chopping calamansi... After that, when the fire was ready, I proceeded to cook it...
First step was to remove the "sauce", which would become the "sabaw" of the pork steak. After searching for a container, we finally found one, and poured the sauce carefully into it. We took the pork and put it on some plates, because we needed to heat the wok first. Next, the pork was put back into the wok, and fried. Since the serving was very large, we had difficulty with that. Soon, however, we decided to put the sauce in. I had to carefully mix the pork and the sauce to make sure that the sauce seeped through the meat, and the pork was well-cooked (which was difficult due to the serving size.) Eventually, I'd added the chopped onion rings to the mix. I still feel that it was lacking, though - one or two onions for 2 or so kg of pork... Well, after that, we were simply stirring it, making sure that the meat was cooked. Eventually we got around to tasting it. The sauce was rich in flavor, a mixture of soy sauce and calamansi and meat... We adjusted it by adding some soy sauce and water, to make it taste better. And while all of this was being done, the others were preparing carrots for some buttered vegetables. Problem was, the corn that was bought was a cream of corn soup, and not corn kernels. So, we ended up with "buttered vegetable soup." It did taste good as well...
I'd like to thank my platoon-mates for helping me a lot when it came to cooking the food. Without them, there would be no fire to cook with. There would be no light to illuminate the "kitchen". There'd be no carrots chopped, and there wouldn't even be a buttered vegetable "soup". It really felt satisfying because we were all working together, each member contributing his share, working towards the common goal. While Lendl and I were the ones at the stove, cooking, I wouldn't be able to cook without the fire you had maintained all the while. (Flame On! - Sir Vlad) It really is hard to prepare the flame, and to maintain it all the time. And it's even harder, when smoke gets in your eyes and irritates them. I was in pain for a while because of that... But it turned okay in the end. I'm glad it tasted good... Thank you guys :D. We did well...
So, after eating, we were supposed to have a "cultural presentation". But in the end it never happened, and we just rested. So, there, we had another talk again, this time in Kim's tent, because Vien and Dandy were already sleeping in mine. It was, well, fun also, but it was a pity it didn't last as long, because we were already quite tired and sleepy as well.
Day Three
Eventually, I had to find the utensils that Kim had borrowed. It was difficult, since they were all over the place. I hope that I didn't miss anything, otherwise he would be in trouble. By the time we had cleaned the rice container, he had already left the campsite, but it was a good thing he was still in the vicinity. While waiting for the van to carry bags, we had time to take pictures. However, Vien got hurt in the process, and got some wounds. It's a good thing he received first aid immediately. While first aid was administered to him, we went all the way to the buses and carried our stuff all the way. The journey back was quite uneventful, because I had fallen asleep for a while. It was only a matter of time until we were back in Pisay, with the sense of reality that was all too familiar. Still, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and not even reality can dampen that.
Lastly, I'd like to thank Kim and Serl, for all the times we had during this weekend. It was fun being with you guys. And I'd like to thank my tent-mates too: Angel, Dandy and Vien. It was a pleasure being with you guys...:D
My life has changed... The real test has begun... I will make it.
It's been almost a week since I was last online, and able to use the internet. Due to the theft of something that was necessary for our internet connection, i was unable to be online any time at all this week... at least it's resolved now... but i have more worries...
First of all, I qualified for the Intarmed program. I should be happy... but I am not. I feel confused... I am feeling depression... There are just so many things i cannot understand yet...
I am miserable because I have such a conundrum that would seem trivial to most people. If I do go take up that program, I would have to study in UP Manila. And that would mean I would have less chances of seeing my friends in the other UP campuses... I'm sure you know where this is going, so i'll just stop there.
And here are the thoughts that I would probably hear:
(while these may be based on actual people, please do not be offended. I am merely imagining myself in different personas just to understand)
Stupid! How can you even think like that! Don't be such a loser, making your decisions in life based on your friends and barkada. Only losers think like that. Stop being a loser! Stop making such stupid decisions! You were supposed to change for the better. You were supposed to change your loser attitude, have a fresh start, a clean slate. Doing this will ruin everything you've done up til now! You'd be guilty your whole life, choosing your friends over your life, choosing to be a loser instead of a winner...
How could you just turn down the program for such a trivial pathetic reason? The program really matters to some of us, you know. Did you just check that little box on the application form for "a challenge"? To test your skill or your luck? There are some of us who are a bit sad who didn't make it... and you just throw it all away? How dare you! How dare you do that! You're such a loser! I hate you!
Dude, you're so pathetic.. Get a life.. Just choose already.. Whatever choice you make, you'd probably regret it, because that's what spineless people do - regret every important decision they had to make for themselves. Get a life, dude. Think about what matters to you more. And while it may be your life you are deciding on, do think about what other people say about it. For spineless weaklings like you, it's what other people say that dominates your life anyway.
Hey, cheer up... Your friends will always be your friends, wherever you end up, even if you're far apart, even if you never see them ever again. Don't worry anymore. Don't worry ever again. If you miss them, just think about them, and their memories would keep you company... Whatever decision you make, just be happy in the end...
Heh. What a loser this guy is, having conversations with himself. If i were qualified for that program, I would...
welcome to my blog again! it has a new name this time:
Songs of Innocence and Experience.
It is a collection of poems made by William Blake, whom we are going to examine in English 4 this quarter... Well, most of his poems - okay, the ones that i was required to read because i had to report on them - dealt with contrasts in nature, and social issues. The Little Black Boy dealt with racial discrimination; the Chimney Sweeper dealt with child labor; the Tyger dealt with the presence of evil despite the presence of God. It's amazing how he manages to express an essay's worth of thoughts in ideas in a few short stanzas.
In fact, I'm sure that is why the title of his compilation is also oxymoronic in a sense. Innocence is inherent in us. It is our experiences of the pains and sufferings in this world that make us lose this innocence, but we never truly lost it... I for one am sure that kindness, if not innocence, is inherent in an individual, even if the environment exerts pressure on oneself...
So, there... until next time... good night...:D
While I haven't been to UP myself, I plan to go there tomorrow. But then again, I still know that I did pass at my first choice - which is MBB... so, I am very enthusiastic, and ecstatic with joy.
I am glad that most of our batchmates passed... There are also a lot of us at MBB... While it is a relief to have people you know as your block mates, there are a few things that need to be considered...
We students taking up the MBB course would be in block sections... We would all have the same schedules, and be with each other for 4 or so years, for the duration of the course. While this basically ensures that you'd never miss them because they are your block mates, you would have less time and freedom to meet up with your other batchmates who are in different campuses, colleges, or even courses. UP (Diliman) is such a big place, and we would have little free time, so that means we have lower chances of meeting up with our non-MBB friends. But for me, I am sure that I will see my friends again... That's what friends do... FInd ways to get to talk to each other again...
And, as for the MBB course itself... I'm sure it has a reputation in our batch... because of a teacher who graduated MBB... I'm sure it would be exciting to have new experiences with batchmates you didn't get to know in high school... And, we don't really have to be STR teachers. The STR unit never really was in short supply of STR teachers... As for me, I'd really like to be a doctor... I hope I get to be an oblation scholar, or qualify for the intarmed thing...
So, for all of you guys out there... I hope you were able to achieve the courses you put as your first choice... and, even if you're not decided on going to UP, I hope that I'll be able to see you again after graduation. I hope that you'd be happy in your particular course. And, don't worry... wherever you end up, you'll be certain to meet your friends again...
Until then... we still have to deal with STR, and our (MBB) STR teacher... and the upcoming events... and the constantly decreasing time we can spend with each other...
P.S. Excited na ako mag-camping! I want to learn how to cook... Pity it's after the YMSAT though... May STR pa...
There's something I want to share... While I was doing Life Sci one night, I was looking for some music... and I stumbled unexpectedly on this song... which I'd like to share...
Kiss Me Good-Bye
FFXII OST
You say my love is all you need, to see you through
But I know these words are not quite true
Here is the path you're looking for, an open door
Leading to worlds you long to explore
Go, if you must move on alone
I'm gonna make it on my own
Kiss me good-bye, love's memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Don't shed a tear, for love's mortality
For you put the dream in my reality
As time goes by I know you'll see this of me
I loved enough to let you go free
Go, I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky
Kiss me good-bye, love's mystery
All of my life, I'll hold you close to me
Don't shed a tear for love's mortality
For you put the dream in my reality
Kiss me good-bye, love's memory
You put the dream in my reality
It's about letting the person you love go. You understand why the person has to go... and still, you would love the person, and hope for that person's happiness... I'm sure you know where this is going... So, well, you know what to do... Until the next life thing that I wish to share...
And, on the retreat... I am changed... I enjoyed every moment in it... Now I am happy... Now I am happy and cheerful, for now I know how much I am loved...
I am fortunate and blessed...
I am loved...
I have no reason to be sad, or in despair, for I am loved...
I will be able to succeed in changing myself, for there is hope...
I will not give up the fight... for I am loved...
I am not alone... for I have people who do love me...
I am happy, happier than I've ever been, for I am loved...
I am lucky to have people who love me...
I am fortunate to have been able to touch the lives of other people...
I am not worthless or useless, because I am loved...
I am loved...
Thank you so much... Thank you for everything - for the friends you have given me, to show how much you love me... And as for my friends, thank you for everything... for being there... for helping me realize that I am not worthless... that I am loved... that I have hope... that my life has some meaning... I love all of you... Thank you all so much.
I am happy... I am blessed... I am loved. I hope that you realize that you are also loved and blessed...